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doyle

STILLBORN: "Chaplain, you are requested in Labor & Delivery." What can Ministers say in such situations?

doyle · Acts-celerate Owner Posts: 6957 **2/20/22 9:01 pm**

"ATTENTION ALL PERSONNEL" the voice over our Hospital PA System announced. "Code 42. Code 42." That is the Code for "Chaplain." Recognizing Helen's voice from our Security Office, I called in.

"Hi Helen, this is Chaplain Doyle. You paged me?"

"Yes Chaplain. NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) called. You are requested in Labor and Delivery. An almost full-term baby is Stillborn. The parents knew something was wrong but are just now being told. Can you stop by their room right away?"

"I'm on my way."

Taking the elevator up a floor, I walked down the hallway and into their room. Devastation. They were in shock. There is no sadder look on a woman's face than when she is told "Your baby didn't make it." Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.

"Hello, I'm Chaplain Doyle. I just heard what happened. May I be with you for awhile?" They nodded their heads. Through tears, the young husband said, "Our baby is dead and we are killed inside."

"I would be too, I replied."

The young wife looked up and into my eyes. "Why did this happen to our baby?" (Over 200 babies had been born alive and healthy just that month in our Hospital).

"I wish we knew," (A more gentle way of saying, "I don't know"). "Your heart is breaking so I wanted to come be with you." (Much of the time, even the doctors are not sure what happened. This is even more so when couples suffer a miscarriage).

Apostle Peter said, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you; to give the reason for the hope that you have."(l Peter 3:15).

We attempt to reason it out by saying, "God did not do this. The Devil did." I totally agree, but Satan is not more powerful than God and God did not stop it. After all these years, I still do not have an answer to some things that happen to people. I do not know why God allows some things.

THE HOPE OF HEAVEN IS A MIRACLE TOO
However, at a time when they are not still in shock, I can share "The hope we have." Jesus said He was going to prepare a place for us (John 14:2). We may have longed for a different miracle, but Heaven is a miracle too. Heaven and the possibility of seeing our Loved One again, is hope when we are struggling to cope.

I STILL FEEL THE URGE TO DEFEND GOD
I WANT TO JUMP into the conversation and DEFEND God; to tell them "Why" this or that has happened. However, it has come as a surprise to me that even God does not try to do that.

GOD IS "PRESENT" BUT DOES NOT SAY MUCH IF ANYTHING
Scripture proclaims, "God is our refuge and strength,a PRESENT help in trouble" (Psalm 46:1).

HAVE YOU NOTICED that He never seems to say a word, not even in His own defense? For reasons far beyond my understanding, God leaves it to each hurting person to come to a decision about the "Why."

Some blame themselves or others; "If only..." Some hate God for what happened and others continue to love Him anyway as grief breaks their heart.

As much as we want to give an answer as to WHY, it is often that our PRESENCE and compassion brings more solace than our attempts at providing answers. Only they can come to terms with what has happened. We are there in support as they struggle through it.

To be effective in helping people, we do not have to know the answer to everything. Sometime, the best thing to say is, "I wish we knew the answer to that. What I do know is that your heart is breaking and I could not stay away. I had to come be with you."

Please feel free to share you input, agree or disagree AND especially if you have words of enlightenment; help improve our service in the Lord's Harvest.

Chaplain Doyle
writedoyle@gmail.com
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The largest room in the world is the room for improvement.

FLRon

Acts-celerater Posts: 767 **2/22/22 9:00 am**

Without question this is one of the most challenging situations for a minister to have to deal with. If there is one thing I have learned about these types of tragedies it is that there is no right answer to the how-why-what questions the grieving parents will ask.

I’ve always tried to take the honest approach and say that while none of us can know why this happened, we can take comfort in the fact that our Heavenly Father does, therefore we can be assured that there is in fact a reason. We may never know this side of glory all of the reasons why, but as David told us we can join them one day, and then we will have eternity with them.

Just being there, sharing with them the sense of loss and grief has often proved to be invaluable to those who have walked this dark valley. It’s pretty amazing how much power there is in just being present for people.
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“Hell will be filled with people that didn’t cuss, didn’t drink, and may even have been baptized. Why? Because none of those things makes someone a Christian.”
Voddie Baucham

skinnybishop

Acts Enthusiast Posts: 1055 **2/22/22 9:21 am**

My phone rang, while I was preaching, on a Sunday night. I quickly silenced it and moved on. After church, I returned the call. It was the hospital, asking me to come. A new born was in cardiac arrest and they needed me NOW.

When I walked through the doors of the hospital, I knew the baby was dead. I was taken in room, where the parents were. At this point, the doctors had not told anyone about the status of the baby. But the Holy Spirit had impressed it on me. I met the family, and prayed with them briefly. As soon as I said "amen", the doctors came in, and gave them the news. Their newborn was gone.

The couple was taken next door, where the baby was, and the door was shut. In a few minutes, someone asked me to come in. If I live to be 100, I will never forget seeing that young mother, holding her dead baby, in her arms.

I stayed until the funeral home came. My job was to get the family away from the room, and keep them calm, while they took the baby away....in a car seat.

I don't remember what I did, or said to the family. I do remember holding myself together, until I got into my truck, to leave the hospital......and then I completely broke.

One of the most difficult things we are called on to do.
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Eddie Wiggins