Say that you're on Fear Factor and will have to eat the eyeball of an octopus. No problem! Wrap it in bacon and it's all good!
Angry? EXTRA BACON!
Fearful? Bacon has chemicals that make you bulletproof.
In Love? Nothing says "I love you" like a bouquet of bacon!
Bored? Cook some bacon, then eat it.
Need justification for a homicide? Cook some bacon, leave it lying around where the person-who-needs-a-good-killin' will walk by and take your bacon. Then hit them about the head and shoulders with an axe or a truck. Boom!--problem solved (and if you don't wait too long to step in to protect your bacon, there will be plenty left for a good snack when you're done with all the messy stuff like hiding the body).
Don't like a poster on Actscelerate? Send them a pack of bacon, but drop a black mamba snake in the pack of bacon...which takes care of the poster and leaves you a whole pack of bacon as a reward!
There is no need to thank me for solving your problems. I consider it a public service.
|Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
4/6/21 10:56 am