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 Advice for Man Dating Woman Who Won't Take His Last Name? |
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Let's say you knew a young man dating a young woman, a generic American WASP, not a foreigner with an unfamiliar culture, who said if she got married, she would refuse to take her husband's last name?
Based on that, what kind of advice do you think you'd be likely to give him?
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12/23/15 10:39 pm
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Cojak |
I would say if there is love, don't worry about a name. Marry your sweetheart! (As long as they ain't from the NC mountains,  Cause That might be a problem with the mountain folk and family, when they came home.
AS a matter of fact it saves a lot of trouble in driver's license and Passport changes.
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12/23/15 11:50 pm
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I know I asked it, but I'll give my own opinion. If she were a foreigner, lots of countries don't have the same naming customs. But if she's an American, I'd be checking to make sure she isn't some kind of radical feminist. If she's got this idea that the big evil patriarchy is trying to suppress women by taking their last names away, who wants that? And if you hyphenate your last name, and your kids married people with hyphenated last names, your grandkids could end up with a name like Smith-Johns-Philip-Cortez. That's pretty crazy. With all the girls who are not into radical feminism out there, I don't know why a guy would want to marry a feminist who was radical enough not to want his name.
My other concern would be that if she doesn't want to take his last name, she might not think marriage will last. Why change your name if you are going to change it back in a couple of years anyway? Having the same family name communicates "We are family."
Taking his name signifies commitment and taking on the identity of his wife, joining his clan, being his helpmeet, and lots of other good stuff like that. It's a cultural thing, more than a Biblical one. But not wanting to take his name could show some problems with accepting some Biblical principles about marriage.
As a man, it felt good to me to know that my wife wanted to take my last name. It's better if your wife feels honored that you would want to give you her name. In my wife's country or her culture at least, the wife doesn't usually legally change her name, though in some context she is called by her husband's last name. (It's complicated. You call them by their first child's name after they have kids, and almost never say their name again in her tribe. My wife has an Uncle Addeline. I gave my first son mine and my daddy's name which worked out well for us.) But my wife wanted my name. We did take a while to get all the paperwork switched over because in the US because we lived overseas for so long and because of costs.
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12/24/15 12:17 am
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| Re: Advice for Man Dating Woman Who Won't Take His Last Name? |
Eddie Robbins |
| Tom Sterbens wrote: | | Link wrote: | Let's say you knew a young man dating a young woman, a generic American WASP, not a foreigner with an unfamiliar culture, who said if she got married, she would refuse to take her husband's last name?
Based on that, what kind of advice do you think you'd be likely to give him? |
What does the Bible have to say about it? |
You always have to mess stuff up, Bro Peeples. |
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Posts: 16509
12/24/15 7:31 am
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bonnie knox |
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bonnie knox |
| Cojak wrote: | | I would say if there is love, don't worry about a name. Marry your sweetheart! |
Awwwww.  |
[Insert Acts Pun Here]
Posts: 14803
12/24/15 8:59 am
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bonnie knox |
| As for advice, I'd say, "Son, yer gittin yaself into a mess a trouble if ya marry on a them wimmin libbers. They thank they ort ta git equal pay fer equal work, they vote an drive em motor cars an ware britches like they tha menfolk. Ya marry one a them gals an ya might find yaself doin housework instead of watchin tha ballgame. She's liable ta expect ya ta clean ya own fish. Git ya one a them homeschoolin girls what knows her place as helpmeet. One what knows you tha boss. At's tha only way to keep her in her place." |
[Insert Acts Pun Here]
Posts: 14803
12/24/15 9:05 am
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JLarry |
Some years after my Dad died, Mother married a good man. She took on his last name. Since she carried Dad's last name for almost 50 years, IMO, that was a mistake.
They lived in a rural community in the house Mom and Dad lived in. Everyone knew Mom as Mrs. (Dad's last name). It was a little confusing.
Mother later realized the mistake but choose not to change it, which I think was wise not to unscramble an egg.
I would advise my wife in the event of my death, if she remarried not to change her name. She declares she would never remarry. I am only concerned about her happiness. If she would be happy, single ok if not ok.
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Acts Mod
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12/24/15 9:24 am
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| My advice.... |
spartanfan |
| if she won't take your last name then don't marry her. |
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12/24/15 9:41 am
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Cojak |
| JLarry wrote: | Some years after my Dad died, Mother married a good man. She took on his last name. Since she carried Dad's last name for almost 50 years, IMO, that was a mistake.
They lived in a rural community in the house Mom and Dad lived in. Everyone knew Mom as Mrs. (Dad's last name). It was a little confusing.
Mother later realized the mistake but choose not to change it, which I think was wise not to unscramble an egg.
I would advise my wife in the event of my death, if she remarried not to change her name. She declares she would never remarry. I am only concerned about her happiness. If she would be happy, single ok if not ok. |
 I started to say a lot but I will say only, 'I agree with your assessment here my friend!
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12/24/15 10:08 am
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| Re: My advice.... |
c6thplayer1 |
| spartanfan wrote: | | if she won't take your last name then don't marry her. |
That would be my first suggestion. My Second would be
If she wont take your last name then my demand would be a prenup removing her from receiving any portion of my current and future assets during and after marriage. She would also be charged for her living expenses. |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
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12/24/15 10:55 am
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| Hey c6 |
JLarry |
| Quote: | | She would also be charged for her living expenses. |
What if she made and was worth more than you.
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12/24/15 11:19 am
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Eddie Robbins |
| I know a guy who combined both last names as their last name. Had I done that, I would be Eddie Conn-Robbins. And all my friends would have made fun of me. |
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12/24/15 11:26 am
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| Re: Advice for Man Dating Woman Who Won't Take His Last Name? |
Eddie Robbins |
| Tom Sterbens wrote: | | Eddie Robbins wrote: | | Tom Sterbens wrote: | | Link wrote: | Let's say you knew a young man dating a young woman, a generic American WASP, not a foreigner with an unfamiliar culture, who said if she got married, she would refuse to take her husband's last name?
Based on that, what kind of advice do you think you'd be likely to give him? |
What does the Bible have to say about it? |
You always have to mess stuff up, Bro Peeples. |
Even though only you and I will get that joke...
Priceless!!!
 |
Bahahahaha! |
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12/24/15 11:29 am
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| Eddie |
JLarry |
| Quote: | | I know a guy who combined both last names as their last name. Had I done that, I would be Eddie Conn-Robbins. And all my friends would have made fun of me. |
Eddie I'm sure you would would have a good come back.
You are Eddie the witted one.
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No one who died without Christ is happy about their decision. |
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12/24/15 11:30 am
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| Re: My advice.... |
Cojak |
| Tom Sterbens wrote: | | c6thplayer1 wrote: | | spartanfan wrote: | | if she won't take your last name then don't marry her. |
That would be my first suggestion. My Second would be
If she wont take your last name then my demand would be a prenup removing her from receiving any portion of my current and future assets during and after marriage. She would also be charged for her living expenses. |
Biblical basis??? |
There is no Scripture basis that I know of, but TRADITION and the 'English' way of using the man's name. In Bible times we all know that the 'last name' was actually the occupation, So I guess if we could find the marriage license Jesus would have been born to Mr. & Mrs Joe Carpenter.  (Mary had to learn how to make and drive nails.)
This becoming 'ONE Flesh' gets tough! I like the idea of both last names joined, the last, last name being the man's of course. 
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Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
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http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ |
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12/24/15 12:08 pm
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| Re: Hey c6 |
c6thplayer1 |
| JLarry wrote: | | Quote: | | She would also be charged for her living expenses. |
What if she made and was worth more than you. |
After her expenses were paid she would not have more than me. |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 6385
12/24/15 12:27 pm
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| Re: My advice.... |
c6thplayer1 |
| Tom Sterbens wrote: | | c6thplayer1 wrote: | | spartanfan wrote: | | if she won't take your last name then don't marry her. |
That would be my first suggestion. My Second would be
If she wont take your last name then my demand would be a prenup removing her from receiving any portion of my current and future assets during and after marriage. She would also be charged for her living expenses. |
Biblical basis??? |
the Scripture can be found in chapter 1 , verse 1.
1. The only way you can bring an egotistical person back to reality is to feed them from the same bowl that was served to you. |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 6385
12/24/15 12:31 pm
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UncleJD |
It is partially cultural, but I believe it to be based on the Biblical principle of "one flesh". I remember my mother going by "Mrs. <husband's name> <husband's last name>" Who does that anymore?
Obviously there were no last names in Biblical times, but the wife was known as "Mary the wife of Joseph" if she was married rather than "Mary the daughter of whoever" |
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Posts: 3139
12/24/15 12:59 pm
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| Re: Advice for Man Dating Woman Who Won't Take His Last Name? |
philunderwood |
| Tom Sterbens wrote: | | Eddie Robbins wrote: | | Tom Sterbens wrote: | | Link wrote: | Let's say you knew a young man dating a young woman, a generic American WASP, not a foreigner with an unfamiliar culture, who said if she got married, she would refuse to take her husband's last name?
Based on that, what kind of advice do you think you'd be likely to give him? |
What does the Bible have to say about it? |
You always have to mess stuff up, Bro Peeples. |
Even though only you and I will get that joke...
Priceless!!!
|
Eddie's not alone, even though I am a shell of my former image here, I got it.
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12/24/15 1:00 pm
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