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 Re: My advice.... |
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| spartanfan wrote: | | if she won't take your last name then don't marry her. |
In general, that's probably good advice in US and English culture, especially if she won't change it over ideology. But we also have to keep in mind the world is full of different cultures where women don't take their husbands last name, but still believe in submitting to their husbands, committing for life, and being in his family.
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12/24/15 1:10 pm
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| Tom Sterbens wrote: | | Link wrote: |
Taking his name signifies commitment and taking on the identity of his wife, joining his clan, being his helpmeet, and lots of other good stuff like that. It's a cultural thing, more than a Biblical one. But not wanting to take his name could show some problems with accepting some Biblical principles about marriage. |
What??? Surely not!!!
An admission you have allowed CULTURE to influence your appropriation of scriptural principle!!!!???
I am aghast!!!!
(Sorry I couldn't resist  ) |
Maybe you need to go back and read my past posts more carefully. I don't believe in rejecting scripture based on culture, but we may have to consider culture when applying it.
Btw, I had a seminar on cross-cultural psychology as part of my doctoral studies and there was a small cross-cultural component to my dissertation. I'm not against appreciating culture or understanding it. But I also see sometimes appeals to 'culture' are used an excuse to ignore scripture.
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Last edited by Link on 12/24/15 1:46 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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12/24/15 1:13 pm
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| Re: My advice.... |
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| c6thplayer1 wrote: | | Tom Sterbens wrote: | | c6thplayer1 wrote: | | spartanfan wrote: | | if she won't take your last name then don't marry her. |
That would be my first suggestion. My Second would be
If she wont take your last name then my demand would be a prenup removing her from receiving any portion of my current and future assets during and after marriage. She would also be charged for her living expenses. |
Biblical basis??? |
the Scripture can be found in chapter 1 , verse 1.
1. The only way you can bring an egotistical person back to reality is to feed them from the same bowl that was served to you. |
I'm interpreting the comment to be a way of communicating to the woman that if she wants this type of individualistic equality, she should have it in the economic arena as well.
I think 'next' is a better comment than the one above for the guy dating a girl who won't take her husband's last name based on feminist ideology.
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12/24/15 1:17 pm
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bonnie knox |
| Did any of you read either of the links I posted? |
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12/24/15 1:41 pm
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| Re: (L) |
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I don't have a problem with a woman's name-change being a lot easier after marriage than a man's. I think the system should make following tradition easier. It's normal for the legal system to be harder when you want to do something unusual.
Ironically, I wouldn't be surprised if I have had a conversation with that guy with a group of other people on another forum online before he changed his name, or at least read a post.
Hawaii has some really onerous requirements for married women wanting to change their names. It cost more than that man paid for her to change her name- $50 to the Lt. governor, $80 to a land department to check to see if you own land, and somewhere between $200 or $300 to announce it statewide in the monopoly newspaper that announces it on all islands. It costs $300+ to change a name on a Greencard, and we hadn't changed my wife's name on US paperwork when we were living overseas for many years, and waited till her Greencard was due for renewal.
I know a Christian representative in the statehouse and emailed him, suggesting he cut the monopoly newspaper out of this deal and lift the burden from the people. This law is kind of anti-marriage. Shacking up rather than marriage seems to be the norm around here. He proposed a bill, but the last he checked, it had kind of died. I'd suggested giving $50 to the Lt. governor, and letting his office just post the announcement on a government website.
There used to be two state-wide papers. One bought the others and greatly increased their prices for state-wide announcements. But who reads the newspaper these days?
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12/24/15 1:55 pm
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| Re: My advice.... |
c6thplayer1 |
| Link wrote: | | c6thplayer1 wrote: | | Tom Sterbens wrote: | | c6thplayer1 wrote: | | spartanfan wrote: | | if she won't take your last name then don't marry her. |
That would be my first suggestion. My Second would be
If she wont take your last name then my demand would be a prenup removing her from receiving any portion of my current and future assets during and after marriage. She would also be charged for her living expenses. |
Biblical basis??? |
the Scripture can be found in chapter 1 , verse 1.
1. The only way you can bring an egotistical person back to reality is to feed them from the same bowl that was served to you. |
I'm interpreting the comment to be a way of communicating to the woman that if she wants this type of individualistic equality, she should have it in the economic arena as well.
I think 'next' is a better comment than the one above for the guy dating a girl who won't take her husband's last name based on feminist ideology. |
You got it , economic and everything else to .. |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 6385
12/24/15 3:09 pm
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| Re: (L) |
Dave Dorsey |
| bonnie knox wrote: | | It's definitely a bold, counter-cultural move. See what you think. |
That's one way to put it.  |
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12/24/15 3:42 pm
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Dave Dorsey |
| Eddie Robbins wrote: | | I know a guy who combined both last names as their last name. Had I done that, I would be Eddie Conn-Robbins. And all my friends would have made fun of me. |
Can confirm. Am Eddie's friend; would have made fun of him. |
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12/24/15 3:43 pm
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Dave Dorsey |
I work with some researchers and analysts who were published in journals prior to marriage. They tend to keep their names or hyphenate, because it is very hard to get your name out there to begin with and virtually impossible to connect a pre-marriage published name to a post-marriage published name. I can understand people who don't want to do it for practical reasons like that.
Apart from that, I'm not much for adventure. If I was engaged to someone who didn't want to take my name, I'd certainly think long and hard about continuing. But, that's not because of the name, so much. I'd do the same if they did felt strongly about doing anything that was extremely counter-cultural. |
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12/24/15 3:45 pm
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Dave Dorsey |
| For a(nother) female perspective, I showed my wife Bonnie's article and she rolled her eyes. I asked her if she'd have any respect for me whatsoever if I had asked to take her name, and she said "No" with one of the more dismissive looks I've ever seen in her eyes. |
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12/24/15 3:55 pm
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| Re: Hey c6 |
Cojak |
| c6thplayer1 wrote: | | JLarry wrote: | | Quote: | | She would also be charged for her living expenses. |
What if she made and was worth more than you. |
After her expenses were paid she would not have more than me.  |
Spoken like a real man who understands finances! C6th!!! Atta boy!
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12/24/15 4:35 pm
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Cojak |
| Dave Dorsey wrote: | | Eddie Robbins wrote: | | I know a guy who combined both last names as their last name. Had I done that, I would be Eddie Conn-Robbins. And all my friends would have made fun of me. |
Can confirm. Am Eddie's friend; would have made fun of him. |
 
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12/24/15 4:38 pm
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Cojak |
| bonnie knox wrote: | | Did any of you read either of the links I posted? |
Yes. I wasn't crazy about the idea, although the 'man' did care for his wife, I will admit that! I am not sure the world if ready for this on a wholesale basis, but who knows......... 
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12/24/15 4:43 pm
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| Dave Dorsey wrote: | | For a(nother) female perspective, I showed my wife Bonnie's article and she rolled her eyes. I asked her if she'd have any respect for me whatsoever if I had asked to take her name, and she said "No" with one of the more dismissive looks I've ever seen in her eyes. |
If it's the guy I spoke with on a forum, I tried to talk him out of it.
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12/24/15 7:24 pm
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Dave Dorsey |
| Link wrote: | | If it's the guy I spoke with on a forum, I tried to talk him out of it. |
I don't want to seem too stereotypically masculine, but I have to admit that I formed additional judgments about him after reading how he sat in the floor of his parents' living room trying to avoid a panic attack in the face of opposition to his plan. |
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12/24/15 7:39 pm
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Cojak |
[quote="Tom Sterbens"] | Dave Dorsey wrote: | | For a(nother) female perspective, I showed my wife Bonnie's article and she rolled her eyes. I asked her if she'd have any respect for me whatsoever if I had asked to take her name, and she said "No" with one of the more dismissive looks I've ever seen in her eyes. |
....more than the other dismissive looks you gotten?[/quote]
Now I thought it, but when I read it I did smile (a little)  
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12/24/15 9:50 pm
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| Dave Dorsey wrote: | | Link wrote: | | If it's the guy I spoke with on a forum, I tried to talk him out of it. |
I don't want to seem too stereotypically masculine, but I have to admit that I formed additional judgments about him after reading how he sat in the floor of his parents' living room trying to avoid a panic attack in the face of opposition to his plan. |
Sounds like the kind of guy who would take his wife's last name?
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12/24/15 10:59 pm
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Dave Dorsey |
| Tom Sterbens wrote: | | ....more than the other dismissive looks you gotten? |
The hypothetical produced a look far more dismissive than even the worst my behavior has ever produced. Well, much more dismissive.
Yes. Marginally more dismissive. |
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12/24/15 11:32 pm
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| Some thoughts... |
Aaron Scott |
A woman who will not take her husband's last name has some motivation for her action.
One motivation might be endearment to her own last name (which, presumably is the last name of her FATHER).
Another might be not liking the last name of her husband. There are names, you know, that just don't work. For instance, if her first name is Dora...and his last name is DeExplora--well, you know).
Another reason might be that she has a business which is based on her maiden name. I know a dentist which would happily have taken her husband's last name, but because of the brand she had built over the years, kept her own name in order to continue to provide support for her family.
But there are another couple of reasons that are not quite so easy to understand.
One is if she is in rebellion against tradition and culture. We all need to do that from time to time. But sometimes rebellion is done for the wrong reason.
Another reason might be the need for attention. There are women who have the "Duggar gene"--anything for attention.
And there are some who feel it is a slight to them being a woman for her to take her husband's name.
All of these last three reasons should give a man pause. A woman with a rebellious heart is going to be trouble. A woman who craves attention, the same. And a woman who is too prideful to take her husband's name is a woman who will not be in submission to him.
Now, I have wondered if it wouldn't be best for ancestry searches if we all began to do as the Spanish do, using a combination of our the husband AND wife's last names. E.g., John Wilson marries Tina Jones; they BOTH become Jones-Wilson (or vice versa, as the convention decides).
But a wife is to be in submission to her husband...and I believe it would be in accord to say here "in the Lord." This is not an agreement to become a doormat. It is not license to mistreat one's wife. But just as you are equal in humanity and rights to your manager at work, but are in submission also, so, too, is a wife to be in submission.
So...it DEPENDS on her intentions. If she is refusing to do it for lesser reasons, then you can be sure that there will likely be trouble. I don't doubt that Hillary and Bill have experienced part of this...and that her refusal to give up her last name was a signal of caution. Yes, Bill might have been just as much unfaithful otherwise, but perhaps difficulties in their union provided him with the weak excuse for his actions? |
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Posts: 6032
12/25/15 1:59 pm
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| To simplify |
JLarry |
Here is a simple solution.
My wife's maiden name was Harper. She could go by A______ Harper _______ (my last name).
That way everyone would know her maiden name. That is what many women do on FB.
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12/25/15 2:41 pm
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