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doyle

When our "presence" as ministers is more important than our words

doyle · Acts-celerate Owner Posts: 6957 **10/12/15 4:59 pm**

A few days ago, a patient at our hospital in South Atlanta, was only minutes from death. The Director of Critical Care called and asked me to make a visit.

The patient's wife, I'll call her Donna, was on her way to the hospital. Staff had called to tell her that her husband had taken a “turn for the worst.” The Critical Care Director and I met her when she arrived. Several of the nurses were busily adjusting the many machines stacked up to help keep her husband alive.

The patient's wife went to the far side of the bed and stood there quietly weeping. As the nurses finished and left the room, I went to stand near her. “My name is Doyle. I'm one of the Chaplains. May I stay with you
awhile?” I asked. She nodded yes.

Previously, I would have been thinking of something soothing to say; words of hope and help, possibly a Scripture verse. However, we have been receiving Chaplain's in-service training about how important our "non-anxious presence" is when a patient or their family members are experiencing chaos in their life.

There certainly is a time for soothing words and Scripture, but the in-serve about the importance of establishing a "presence" with a patient, is broadening my effectiveness. In this case, I just stood by her side for several minutes. I'm a talker and almost always have a word of hope or Scripture for a patient, so this "presence" thing is somewhat difficult for me. I did radio for years and "dead airspace" was forbidden.

Without me doing or saying anything, in a short time, Donna leaned against me for emotional support. At the time, having me "present” was of more help to her than words would have been. Obviously, we don't want to weird people out by standing around like a bunch of zombies, but wisdom helps us know when to talk and when to just be "present."

Most of my time is spent in the ER and any "presence" that is established with a patient, has to be done rather quickly. Plus, most of them are in pain. Just standing there will work for a few but most need some calming words or prayer.

Several days later, I saw Donna in the cafeteria. “Chaplain,” she exclaimed. “My husband is doing much better. Thank you for all you did to help me the other day.” The only thing I had done was to be "present" there with her. I shared it was good news to learn that her husband had improved.

Later, a familiar and inspiring Scripture became more alive to me with an expanded understanding:

Psalm 46:1: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not fear...” If God talked every time He was present, we would never hear the end of it (smile).

Doyle
_________________
The largest room in the world is the room for improvement.

Old Time Country Preacher

Acts-pert Poster Posts: 15566 **10/12/15 6:26 pm**

It oughtta be required that ever COG pastor have a unit a CPE. This thing about "presence" is the kinda stuff CPE instills in a person. Excellent stuff there Doyle.

doyle

Good Advice OTCP

Acts-celerate Owner Posts: 6957 **10/12/15 9:07 pm**

Clinical Pastoral Education, CPE, has not improved my love for the Lord. That's not it's purpose. The purpose is to train people to be more effective in ministering to hurting people. It continues to expand my abilities in being with those who are desperately hurting and dying.

The death rate has been 100 percent since early in the Old Testament (Only two have not died - Elijah and Enoch), it only makes sense for we ministers to have specialized training to be of comfort to the one passing from this life and their family during their hour of crisis. For most families, it is a frightful experience.

Learning to be a "non-anxious presence" in their time of chaos, can be of incredible help to them.

Absolutely, I agree with you OTCP that every COG minister, and especially those who are seeking ordination, should be required to take at least one unit of CPE. It is training I wish I had 30 years ago. However, it would be important to receive CPE from a more conservative teacher instead of a liberal instructor. In most cases, the Chaplain at your local hospital will know where CPE can be taken.

Doyle
_________________
The largest room in the world is the room for improvement.

Old Time Country Preacher

Re: Good Advice OTCP

Acts-pert Poster Posts: 15566 **10/12/15 10:24 pm**

JLarry

Acts Mod Posts: 3346 **10/13/15 6:17 am**

A few years ago a local a local hospices company was looking for a chaplain. I applied for the job and possibly have gotten the job. But I did not have a CPE. After reading this thread I have a desire to obtain a CPE.

How long did it take for some of you to get a CPE?
_________________
Recorded Sermons @ www.pastorwiley.com

No one who died without Christ is happy about their decision.

wayne

agreed

Acts Enthusiast Posts: 1274 **10/13/15 7:33 am**

JLarry

Acts Mod Posts: 3346 **10/13/15 8:48 am**

Wayne your presence spoke to them. You are an Ambassador, that is what they needed.

No one can teach you what to say, when nothing said will help. They needed support. They needed a man of God and you were that man.
_________________
Recorded Sermons @ www.pastorwiley.com

No one who died without Christ is happy about their decision.

Da Sheik

Acts Enthusiast Posts: 1860 **10/13/15 10:19 am**

Good stuff here guys. Sometimes the best thing we can do is say nothing and just hold a hand or stand in the hospital room silently.

wayne

Acts Enthusiast Posts: 1274 **10/13/15 11:54 am**

Lloyd Looney

Presence

Hey, DOC Posts: 52 **10/13/15 2:45 pm**

It was hard for me to learn to tolerate the pain and anxiety that others feel when I was learning and growing through my CPE experience. The crisis experiences that the hospital patients were going through often made me realize I was in need of healing as much as the persons in the crisis. It made the idea of Immanuel (God with us) take on a new meaning as I began to try and have an incarnational ministry where I learned to "be with" people. It also changed/expanded my theology of healing and gave me a much broader, and deeper, perspective of how God heals.

Doyle, if you are changing in how you do ministry and are embodying Christ, you may have to change your motto about 2/3 of God being "go" to something else.
_________________
Lloyd Looney, LPC, LMFT

Da Sheik

Acts Enthusiast Posts: 1860 **10/14/15 3:31 pm**

I often think of this verse from Proverbs:

Proverbs 25:20

Sometimes in our zeal to "say the right thing" we end up making things 100x worse. Even the right "theological truths" applied at an inappropriate time can cause much more damage than good.