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I feel like a complete failure

 
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Post I feel like a complete failure roughridercog
My son is visiting. He went with us to church last Sunday and said, "I hate church. I don't want anything to do with it. I can read my Bible and pray in private if I want to."

I knew better than to say anything or be confrontational at that point. With tears ib my eyes I silently prayed for the Holy Spirit to work on him. He willl be withnus 2 more Sundays before leaving for a new command in Japan for 3 years. I asked him to go with us for the last 2 Sundays we will be together for a while.
He refuses.
I type this with tears in my eyes. What kind of pastor must I have been if I couldn't instill in my own son a love for God and His.house.

Sorry for.venting but I cant talk without weeping.
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Last edited by roughridercog on 6/27/21 11:51 am; edited 3 times in total
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6/10/21 2:25 pm


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Post Cojak
All I can say is we are all 'individuals', we all have needs and have opinions. My dad was a pastor, one of the best, maybe THE BEST. I was a young military man in a much different era. When I was your sons age, and if it was this day and time I just might have said some of the same words.

But as you know back in the 50-60s young men did not dare 'SAY how they felt', if it was against the grain. What I am saying is when I was exposed to the NEW World, what we say is the Real world, not the parsonage, I had the exact same feelings.

No you are not a failure, old slew-foot would like you to think so. I admired your son as you exposed us to his adventures into the military. I have no doubt, that like me he was 'blessed to have a dad who was real and also a pastor.
Hang in there my friend and NEVER doubt your GOOD influence in your son's over all life.

Remember the dude is still a young man!
Love you and believe it or not, I can associate with your feelings.
God and Life is Good. Smile
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6/10/21 3:18 pm


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Post Carolyn Smith
Rough, my friend, you are not a failure. And it sounds to me like your son does love the Lord...he just doesn't like the hypocrisy (or what he feels is hypocrisy) in the church.

My oldest son has turned away from everything we taught him & accepted the liberal view of thinking...says he's not sure he believes in God anymore *but spends a lot of time on Facebook saying how it's not true and now lame Christians are.* This came after attending a couple of liberal arts colleges and also coincided with his then-girlfriend moving in with him.

As a parent, it's hard to take, but I felt like God told me not to argue with him. Just keep loving him, and that's what I've attempted to do.

My younger son cut off all communication with us several years ago, so I have been through the whole "I feel like a failure" thing. It's a lie the enemy tries to feed me. God told me once, "I am bigger than all your mistakes!"

You've done your best to instill a love/respect for God and His people. Don't take a rejection of church as rejection of you or even God. Maybe you can have a conversation with your son and ask him what he thinks is hypocritical about the church. Encourage him to be honest with you.

I believe your son (and mine) will eventually come back to their roots and what they know to be true deep in their hearts. Every person has to find that place with God for himself. Trust what you've planted in your son to yield fruit in due season.

This younger generation is not afraid to call out hypocrisy as they see it...which ultimately is a good thing. If your son has respect for God and country, you've done a pretty awesome job. You are not a failure. Keep listening, Dad.
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6/10/21 9:11 pm


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Post UncleJD
It sounds like he is wounded somehow (probably by church folk). Pray for his wound. Your steadfastness will be the best asset you have with him for this "season". Be sure we're all praying for this situation. Golf Cart Mafia Capo
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6/11/21 8:35 am


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Post Maybe this will help you Rough MikeBarnes
God is/was the MOST perfect Father, period.

He has a Son who was obedient unto death, but the rest of His children rebelled against Him and His teachings. It's called free will. All His children saw His Works and heard His Word and rejected Him.

Are you better than God? Right, just pray for your son, do not beat yourself up.
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6/11/21 2:36 pm


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Post Quiet Wyatt
Our 13-year-old son said to us recently that he doesn’t believe in God anymore, doesn’t want to go to church, and just wants to do what he wants without worrying about what God thinks. He says he would believe if God did a miracle for him, but Jesus said a wicked generation seeketh after a sign. I can’t bear the thought of him burning forever in the Lake of Fire some day, but that is exactly where he is headed unless he repents. I have said church attendance is not optional for him so long as he lives in our house. I don’t know how to reach him, but I know God does. [Insert Acts Pun Here]
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6/11/21 5:01 pm


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Post Bro Bob
Rough, I want you to know this saddens me to the core. And I completely understand it making you feel like a failure. But as one of the others noted, free will is a fundamental part of our design.

I don't have any words of wisdom or even consolation for you. I wish I did.

I hope your son realizes how that like Paul, you value his eternal soul even more than your own.

If he does care about God's thoughts enough to talk to Him and study His written word, then surely he understands that believers grouping themselves for encouragement and even admonishment is a direct order.

"Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching."

I have no doubt I will include this situation in my prayers for some time to come.

You are a good man, a good witness of your savior, and what God living inside a man looks like. He may not acknowledge that today, but he cannot deny it deep inside.

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6/11/21 10:40 pm


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Post Roughrider...preacher's kids Aaron Scott
I have a dear, beloved son that I have never once seen weeping in the altars. He is saved, and he is only 17, but by that age, I had been praying in the altars for years.

All I know is to cling to the promise that God's Word will not return void....

PKs often have a front row seat to the inner workings of a church. When they see Christians do hurtful, hateful things--especially toward their parents--it is indeed difficult to maintain a pristine view of the church. It was my blessed fortune that my mother and father were able to conceal hard time financially, hard times in church matters, etc., from me until I was a grown man. There were things that were absolutely SHOCKING that I only found out about maybe 20 years after it happened--and NOT from my parents, but from someone else in a conversation.

In today's world, there is so much TV, internet, and connectedness that it's easy to see the lights of brighter towns, the flaws and foibles of men, even church gossip posted online.

YOU HAVE NOT FAILED! Think of it this way: If a family had a godly son who was going to church, etc., they could rightfully be happy...but will that be the same 25 years from now? We don't know. We walk by faith. And so your son KNOWS about Jesus, even though he has likely been bombarded with secular thought and behavior, but sooner or later...it will be Jesus that he cries out to, I believe.

Some of the best men of God I know--and I mean BEST--have multiple children that are walking at a distance from God--some have all but blatantly rejected the church and Jesus. You're not alone.

But when hard times come--and they will come--at some point their old training will come out: Call on Jesus and be saved.

I would add one more thought: IF your son is reading his Bible and praying, but not going to church, that is a whole lot better than not even doing that! He'll be reading along one day, and God will set words afire from the altar of heaven, and things will change!

You keep encouraging him and loving him. Many fathers feel like failures at times--I know I do. But I keep plowing onward, trusting that one day it will all make a difference.
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6/15/21 5:49 pm


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Post Re: I feel like a complete failure FLRon
roughridercog wrote:
My son is visiting. He went with us to church last Sunday and said, "I hate church. I don't want anything to do with it. I can read my Bible and pray in private if I want to."

I knew better than to say anything or be confrontational at that point. With tears ib my eyes I silently prayed for the Holy Spirit to work on him. He willl be withnus 2 more Sundays before leaving for a new command in Japan for 3 years. I asked him to go with us for the last 2 Sundays we will be together for a while.
He refuses.
I type this with tears in my eyes. What kind of pastor must I have been if I couldn't instill in my own son a love for God and His.house.

Sorry for.venting but I cant talk without weeping.


You are not alone in this, as evidenced by the posts of others who have had to face this same thing. Three of my grown children are walking outside the ark of safety though they were raised in church. One of them is borderline atheist.

What I have had to accept is that I did what I could do and that preachers kids are no different than any other human who has ever lived. They too must make the decision to follow Christ on their own. As much as I long to do so, I cannot lead them to Jesus now. That job belongs to the Holy Spirit.
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6/28/21 6:18 am


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Post God is in Japan too doyle
"WHERE CAN I FLEE from Your presence? If I ascend to the heavens, You are there. If I make my bed in the depths You are there. If I settle on the far side of the sea, (*In Japan) EVEN THERE Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold me fast." ( Psalm 139:7-10 ) *Emphasis mine
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7/1/21 2:47 am


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Post Jim JLarry
We prayed for our oldest son for about 30 years.

One morning he got up and told his wife he was going to church.

That's been about four years. Now he never misses and is on fire for the Lord.

Keep the faith.

It is probably not what you have done. Satan is trying to get him. Don't let this happen.
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7/10/21 6:26 pm


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Post Nature Boy Florida
RR,

This one bothered me - a lot.

But the last words you said your son said ("I can read my Bible and pray in private if I want to.") doesn't sound like a rejection of God to me.

My greatest wounds have been inflicted on me by church people. Perhaps your son was also wounded or saw you wounded by church folks...leaving the impression - why would I want to gather together with those clowns?

And perhaps God created such a time as this to keep your son safe...a time where he can read or hear or see the postings of Jentezen Franklin or Kevin Wallace or _____________....who just might be the one to keep him involved with a heart for God.

I'll keep praying for him.

I say this because I had a son of mine - come up to me and say I needed to hear this preacher - he watches his posts everyday - one that he says preaches what needs to be preached - that preacher was Kevin Wallace. He had no idea I knew Kevin from Actscelerate.

You just never know how God will work. Keep the faith.
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7/23/21 6:25 am


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