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My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong?
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Post My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong? RaceForTheCure
I know about the scriptures in 1st Timothy but that aside. We LOVE our arrangement. He's a much better cook than I. I have been blessed with the ability to make a good living that supports us both. I decorated the house - he keeps it clean. When I get home from work there's no housework to do - no laundry, no cooking, etc. We walk the dogs, go for long drives, watch movies and spend HIGH quality time together. We've never believed in "your money and my money". It all goes in the same pot. He does make money on ebay. However, I am principally the bread winner and he's principally the homemaker. And, like I said, we love it this way. However, I've actually had a couple of people tell me this situation is wrong scripturally. If we're both happy and he's still the head of our household then is it really wrong? I'd love some good feedback.
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3/14/06 11:40 am


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Post If you're happy and he's happy........ TheBeebs
and you've been married HOW MANY YEARS!!!!!! I say, nothing suceeds like success. I also seem to remember that the Proverbs 31 woman made a pretty good living......she had to have some help from somewhere. Who knows.......maybe her husband was a stay at home husband, too!

I think the problem with the other couple is that the momma wanted to stay home and so did daddy. Personally, I don't think the girl knows when she's got it good. I've been a career woman and I've been a stay at home wife. There's a whole lot more work being a stay at home spouse and it requires a whole lot more discipline.....you just don't have to deal with as many [donkeys]
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3/14/06 11:56 am


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Post Re: My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong? DHDRabbi
We are like that somewhat. I do the grocery shopping, cook dinner, wash the dishes, etc. She cuts the grass and does most of the yard work. My business is so seasonal and she is a VP with the largest financial company in the world. As long as it works for you and your spouse, I see no problem with it. [Insert Acts Pun Here]
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3/14/06 12:00 pm


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Post More power to BOTH of you! Phil Hoover
Wish I could find a woman who would let me be the "stay at home" husband and father!


I'd marry her in a New York minute.

Or sooner.


Phil Hoover
Chicago
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3/14/06 12:05 pm


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Post There's Nothing Wrong With It BV COG
As long as he still wears the pants! Laughing
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3/14/06 1:51 pm


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Post Re: My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong? throughtheflood
I sure hope there's nothing wrong with it. I hate housework. My husband does an excellent job in the house. His mother, a ministers wife, did an excellent job training him. The first time he pulled out the ironing board to iron his shirt, I was a little embarrassed. He said my Dad always ironed his shirts. (Told you his Mother was a smart woman!) I love to work outside and ride bicycles with my grand kids. He will bake cookies with them. We've been married 34 years so I guess we are doing something right. Acts-celerater
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3/14/06 2:16 pm


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Post Re: My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong? He Calls Me Friend
I don't think that there's a problem with it if it's working for you and you both agree with the situation.

Very few women are so blessed as to have a husband who will help out around the house. I've got one of the best!!!
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3/14/06 2:51 pm


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Post BV - I have on pants today! RaceForTheCure
But he NEVER wears a dress so I guess it would be accurate to say that he DEFINITELY wears the pants in the family!!! Laughing Laughing Laughing
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3/14/06 3:42 pm


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Post Wait A Minute BV COG
Does that mean its wrong for me to wear a dress? Laughing Shocked Laughing
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3/14/06 4:14 pm


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Post Well - it means I'd be worried if you wore a dress!!! RaceForTheCure
Cool Shocked Cool
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3/14/06 4:25 pm


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Post Maybe A Long Time Ago I Did That BV COG
But those dress days are over! Laughing
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3/14/06 4:46 pm


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Post Re: My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong? SKT
RaceForTheCure wrote:
However, I am principally the bread winner and he's principally the homemaker... If we're both happy and he's still the head of our household then is it really wrong? I'd love some good feedback.


I have several points of feedback on your question(s). I hope that you take none of them as being critical. They are my opinions based on my experiences and observations.


First... some nuggets of truth:

1. One's happiness has little to do with correctness. Don't make the mistake of assuming that because things make you happy that they are good. We all know better, but we often forget this simple truth.

2. 'Good' and 'Best' are enemies. You can never have both at the same time. Clinging to 'Good' disqualifies you from receiving 'Best'.

3. There is nothing wrong with a woman working outside of the home.
Whether it is 'Good' or 'Best' is situationally dependent.


It is an indicator that there is something wrong, though not necessarily law-breaking or sinful, when an able-bodied husband is not earning a living and, in so doing, providing for his family. It is this point that I wish to address.

Paul said: "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread."

While I don't disagree that doing what's needed around the house is also work, the word 'work' in this passage carries "the predominant idea of working for pay." (Thayer's Lexicon for 'ergazomai' - work)


I personally have never witnessed a household in this situation that also exemplified the Ephesians 5 pattern for the relationship between husband and wife. In the families I've observed that claim to do both, I have noticed that the woman's submission is present. It is not a complete facade, but also not complete and pure. Respect is usually shown in abundance, but it is relatively shallow and unstable. Usually, all of the correct 'behaviors' are predicated on mutual agreement. In other words, they've learned to live together in relative peace, and have learned to be productive in the things that come easily or naturally.

That's good...

It's not the best.

'Submit' (Eph 5:22)
1) to arrange under, to subordinate
2) to subject, put in subjection
3) to subject one's self, obey
4) to submit to one's control
5) to yield to one's admonition or advice
6) to obey, be subject

'Love' (Eph 5:25 'Husbands, love...') - 'agapao'

"...as Christ also loved the church AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT"
"For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:"

'Nourish' - to feed; to bring up to maturity
'Cherish' - to foster with tender care

So, as I read the passage, the husband, as head of the woman (incidentally, some translate 'kephale' [head] as 'source'), is to give himself to the nourishing (physical provision) and maturing (spiritual provision) of his wife with utmost tenderness and care.

Trading or mixing roles may be good and even seemingly more productive, but it’s not the best.
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3/14/06 4:57 pm


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Post Only ONE major flaw that I see c6thplayer1
"If we're both happy and he's still the head of our household then is it really wrong? I'd love some good feedback."

IF you are supporting the family then you are the head of household. HE has no claim of that position under these circumstances. His advice should be given consideration and not be seen as a directive.

This submission garbage is really nothing more than a bunch of garbage from my view.
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3/14/06 6:56 pm


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Post Re: My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong? TheBeebs
Quote:
I personally have never witnessed a household in this situation that also exemplified the Ephesians 5 pattern for the relationship between husband and wife. In the families I've observed that claim to do both, I have noticed that the woman's submission is present. It is not a complete facade, but also not complete and pure. Respect is usually shown in abundance, but it is relatively shallow and unstable. Usually, all of the correct 'behaviors' are predicated on mutual agreement. In other words, they've learned to live together in relative peace, and have learned to be productive in the things that come easily or naturally.


Let's take a poll: Married or not married.

Quote:
IF you are supporting the family then you are the head of household. HE has no claim of that position under these circumstances. His advice should be given consideration and not be seen as a directive.

This submission garbage is really nothing more than a bunch of garbage from my view.


Let's take a poll: Male or female


Now don't get testy, you two.....I'm harmless and I love everybody....I'm just.......'Curious in MS'
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3/14/06 7:32 pm


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Post Re: My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong? notwanghere
Wow!!! Interesting thoughts. Now mine. It seems important to me to determine the culture to whom Paul was writing. God's word must be interpreted with "cultural" sensitivity. This is 2005, not 50. Families have gone through dramatic change. Indeed by imposing some first century concepts into a 21st century home the deeper relationship demands of Christ may be challenged.

My opinion is that if the relationship brings both of you a sense of joy, and Christ is honored. Bless you!
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3/14/06 7:34 pm


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Post Re: My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong? Memory03
welcome to 2006! I like it..........
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3/14/06 10:45 pm


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Post Re: My husband is a Househusband. Is this wrong? notwanghere
Memory03 wrote:
welcome to 2006! I like it..........


hahahaha... well I'm COG...I'm always alittle behind .... Laughing
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3/14/06 11:13 pm


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Post SKT - Some comments regarding your thoughts RaceForTheCure
Quote:
It is an indicator that there is something wrong, though not necessarily law-breaking or sinful, when an able-bodied husband is not earning a living and, in so doing, providing for his family. It is this point that I wish to address.

SKT - most of the folks on Acts know me and my situation as I am very open about our lives. Let me first say there is NOTHING wrong that my able-bodied husband is not working. I believe I put in my post that he sells on ebay. That aside - I am on temporary assignment for 8 months in Seattle and rather than traveling back and forth just once a month to see my family I asked my husband to take a leave of absence so I could take the assignment and he willingly agreed as my job is the anchor job in our family. It is nothing more than good fortune and the Lord's blessing that my job has been more financially beneficial than his so we chose to follow my job. During my first month in Seattle my mother had a stroke and subsequently died just 9 weeks ago today. My husband has been invaluable in helping my father since her death - we were home for 12 days then he went back for 9 days and helps many days now long distance. So - he may not hold a job but he is not twiddling his thumbs. We will be here until at least August.
Quote:
One's happiness has little to do with correctness. Don't make the mistake of assuming that because things make you happy that they are good. We all know better, but we often forget this simple truth
I'm not sure I see how this is applicable. If I enjoyed being drunk (which I don't) I could see where being happy (drunk) would be incorrect. Being happy about no longer having to do housework, cook, write out the bills and other daily tasks doesn't seem to me to be correct OR incorrect - it's just the way it is.
Quote:
Trading or mixing roles may be good and even seemingly more productive, but it’s not the best.


So would it be safe to say that "the best" would be for me to be submissive to my husband, possibly be the one to stay home or at the very least work a job equal to my husband, come home or stay home and cook and clean which I don't enjoy and he does? This would result in my beng unhappy but would it be best? I couldn't agree with that.

It was also said that
Quote:
IF you are supporting the family then you are the head of household. HE has no claim of that position under these circumstances.

I am unclear as to why he cannot be the head of the household if he does not earn the salary. He diligently searched for a church upon our move (hard to find COG or AOG in our area but he found a GREAT Foursquare!), he handles everything - I just earn the money. For me it's a sweet deal!

Thank you all for the feedback. I expected a wide range of opinions just as I have gotten. Obviously my opinion is that it works! I also agree that it's 2006 and things are not the same as they were in biblical times.

We celebrate our 24th wedding anniversary on Monday. We still hold hands - we still respect one another - I still get excited when I know it's time for him to pick me up from work and he's my best friend. So, I guess it's safe to say this arrangement works for us! Very Happy
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I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me
Get to know me and my wonderful family.
Rona
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3/15/06 2:27 am


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Post What? Porpoise Driven Neptune
SKT wrote:

Paul said: "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread."

While I don't disagree that doing what's needed around the house is also work, the word 'work' in this passage carries "the predominant idea of working for pay." (Thayer's Lexicon for 'ergazomai' - work)
.


If we are going to apply this Scripture then it should apply equally to women. So, SKT, are you seriously arguing that housewives should not eat because they are not (by your defintion) working?

Of course even a brief reading of Paul's words in context shows that he is saying people should work rather than cause mischief through idleness. This Scripture has nothing to do with the subject of whether the man or the woman brings home the bacon.
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3/15/06 2:41 am


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Post Re: RFTC - I thought you were asking questions SKT
Silly me. I thought you would consider the answers I gave as they were intended - giving hope of something MORE! That's not to say that what you have isn't good. It probably is. Don't you still want more? I'm glad you're excited to pick up your husband. There's still more than that to be had!

I thought you were actually asking questions and wanted genuine feedback. Looking for affirmation is fine. Just be honest with what you desire so that people know where you're coming from.

Incidentally, "Being happy... doesn't seem to me to be correct OR incorrect - it's just the way it is" was exactly my point when I said, "One's happiness has little to do with correctness."


In answer to the Marriage poll question: Married.
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3/15/06 7:14 am


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