> Some good ones........
> š
> Me (sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red): I canāt see you anymore. I am not going to let you hurt me like this again! Trainer: It was a situp. You did one sit up .
>
> Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
>
> Itās weird being the same age as old people.
>
> When I was a kid I wanted to be olderā¦this is not what I expected.
>
> Life is like a helicopter. I donāt know how to operate a helicopter
>
> Chocolate is Godās way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
>
> Itās probably my age that tricks people into thinking Iām an adult.
>
> Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
>
> My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway and thatās how the fight started.
>
> I donāt think the therapist is supposed to say āwow,ā that many times in your first session but here we areā¦
>
> If 2020 was a math word-problem: If youāre going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?
>
> I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
>
> W ecan all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to, āWhere do you see yourself 5 years from now?ā
>
> So if a cow doesnāt produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
>
> f you canāt think of a word say āI forgot the English word for itā That way people will think youāre bilingual instead of an idiot.
>
> Iām at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
>
> Corona-coaster noun: the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day youāre loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next youāre crying and missing people you donāt even like.
>
> Iām at that age where my mind still thinks Iām 29, my humor suggests Iām 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if Iām sure Iām not dead yet.
>
> Donāt be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
>
> Iām getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
>
> I donāt always go the extra mile, but when I do itās because I missed my exit
>
> How many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought āWell arenāt we just two clowns short of a circus?ā
>
> At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: āThatās a load of 2020.ā or āWhat in the 2020.ā or āabso-2020-lutely.ā
>
> You donāt realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
>
> We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. _________________ News & Views is a feature of the World News Network and the Actscelerate discussion Board. |
New Member Posts: 16 12/18/20 6:18 pm
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