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"Some Good Ones" from Rex Allen

New Member Posts: 16 **12/18/20 6:18 pm**

> Some good ones........
> 😎
> Me (sobbing my heart out, eyes swollen, nose red): I can’t see you anymore. I am not going to let you hurt me like this again! Trainer: It was a situp. You did one sit up .
>
> Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
>
> It’s weird being the same age as old people.
>
> When I was a kid I wanted to be older…this is not what I expected.
>
> Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter
>
> Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
>
> It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
>
> Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true? Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
>
> My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway and that’s how the fight started.
>
> I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say “wow,” that many times in your first session but here we are…
>
> If 2020 was a math word-problem: If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?
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> I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
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> W ecan all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to, ‘Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?’
>
> So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
>
> f you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.
>
> I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
>
> Corona-coaster noun: the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you’re crying and missing people you don’t even like.
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> I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.
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> Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
>
> I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
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> I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit
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> How many of us have looked around our family reunion and thought “Well aren’t we just two clowns short of a circus?”
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> At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity? As in: “That’s a load of 2020.” or “What in the 2020.” or “abso-2020-lutely.”
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> You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
>
> We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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