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You are the pastor, how do you handle it For His glory and your church?
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Post You are the pastor, how do you handle it For His glory and your church? Cojak
It is well publicized worldwide the problems with priests and pedophilia, misusing their authority to take advantage of children. and the youth. We say nasty things about them. BUT what do you do when it is in YOUR church.

Headlines in our local paper, "LOCAL PASTOR ARRESTED SUNDAY, IN JAIL UNDER A MILLION DOLLAR BOND."

I was reading over my wife's shoulder and read faster than she and read Chruch of God. Until it is family, you hurt a little, but if it is family you know brothers and sisters, THAT YOU KNOW, are going to be hurting.

It was the assistant pastor, but to the news the word Pastor sounds devastating and is.
Now as the pastor, YOU have done a lot for this young man. You have bent over backwards in many ways. Apparently he is doing great, you are proud of him. start using him more, then are slapped in the face with this.

I KNOW YOU (THE PASTOR) ARE DEVASTATED, but you know something needs to be done to HOLD your church together. WHAT DO YOU DO?

I mean this with all my heart. I have prayed for the young man, but to be honest I have prayed more for my brother who presently has the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Then today's headlines, "MORE ACCUSERS STEP FORWARD".

Something like this can stay local, but it can also go national. Local is bad enough.......
Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Shocked
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Last edited by Cojak on 10/8/19 9:15 pm; edited 2 times in total
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10/8/19 9:05 pm


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Post Cojak
I mentioned suicide in another post. This young man is a candidate for just that. If he has any knowledge of prison at all (even jail) he is aware that the child molester is beaten often at best, but many times marked for death by inmates. Yes, he brought it on himself. If he was ever a Christian (I say that in all seriousness) he knows his sin and has repented. BUT that doesn't negate the Word where it is explained we reap what we sow. God help him and the church that will suffer for years to come. Crying or Very sad
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10/8/19 9:12 pm


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Post Here's a question... sadlytrue77
When the pastor know and how much did he know? Is he "standing by" this man? or was there a cover up? Member
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10/9/19 11:06 am


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Post Re: Here's a question... Cojak
sadlytrue77 wrote:
When the pastor know and how much did he know? Is he "standing by" this man? or was there a cover up?


I do not know the answers to those questions. But for right now I will give the pastor the benefit of a doubt. What ever it is the church will be the ones that suffer for many years. It will take 15-20 years for folks to stop thinking "That is the church where the pastor molested the kids" as they drive by it.

My dad a took church that the pastor left his wife for another woman 14 years before and I did not hear about it from any of the locals. But an older member did mention it five or six years after dad was there..

BUT, BUT Child molestation will be remembered much longer. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad And the ones involved will remember it all their life. Crying or Very sad
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10/9/19 5:08 pm


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Post Re: You are the pastor, how do you handle it For His glory and your church? Link
I talked to someone who went to an evangelical church where someone working with the youth was about to be tried for molestation. He stopped going there, but he said the church addressed it once, but did not reach out to the victims and their families. They just wanted everyone to forget about it and move on. They didn't really deal with the issue and the problem as a church, he thought. Maybe they were listening to lawyers who did not want them to say anything that could be used in a lawsuit.

I saw a video about a now well-known case in Australia. Many of us saw that video. One of the pastors who got involved with the families said that the (Pentecostal) church did not counsel the victims. His opinion was that they were concerned with damage control for the organization and taking care of the alleged perpetrator who had been an important denominational official and was related to an influential member of the denomination.

I would say ministrering to the victims and their families should be a high priority.

As a preemptive measure, having some 'policies' in place about who takes the kids to the bathroom (how many, etc.) would be a good idea.

On the other hand, I was talking to an old friend who is single and mildly autistic. You wouldn't know it to talk to him. His social skills have improved over time. He comes off as a little nerdy. He got run off from international campus ministries for allegedly talking to much to the ladies. One wanted him to stay away from the kids because they thought he was playing too much with the kids.

I've heard commentary that men in our society are all somewhat suspect of being child molestors by virtue of being men. Men who study early childhood education can have difficulty finding jobs. We also have a problem of a large number of kids being raised by single mothers, and children, boys in particular, need male role models. So we have to be careful not to treat godly men with a heart to serve children as child molesters, too.

Once the perpetrator is out of the way
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10/9/19 7:48 pm


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Post Re: You are the pastor, how do you handle it For His glory and your church? Cojak
Link wrote:
... Men who study early childhood education can have difficulty finding jobs. We also have a problem of a large number of kids being raised by single mothers, and children, boys in particular, need male role models. So we have to be careful not to treat godly men with a heart to serve children as child molesters, too.

Once the perpetrator is out of the way


You bring up a very good point Link. There is always that problem..... BUT it can be handled. We cannot stand back in fear....

I have a habit of giving kids 'gold dollars'. For the past few years I now 'Always' as the parent if it is okay to show the kid a trick. It is a simple trick called 'The French Drop', The kid sees the coin disappear, and the magically appears in his shoe pocket or ear. Smile
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10/10/19 9:26 pm


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Post To answer the original question sadlytrue77
...
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10/18/19 10:13 pm


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Post sadlytrue77
If I am that guy, I resign. I don't think I could be effective in a place where people are accusing me of doing nothing about accusations that came forth before the arrest.
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10/19/19 1:04 pm


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Post Carolyn Smith
How do we know the accusation is true? If it is, that's one thing and should be addressed privately and from the pulpit.

But it's also a false accusation that is made from time to time. And sometimes it is completely false, a kid trying to get back at somebody. Some folks say kids don't lie, but they do.
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10/19/19 1:27 pm


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Post sadlytrue77
Carolyn Smith wrote:
How do we know the accusation is true? If it is, that's one thing and should be addressed privately and from the pulpit.

But it's also a false accusation that is made from time to time. And sometimes it is completely false, a kid trying to get back at somebody. Some folks say kids don't lie, but they do.


I'm going to guess that 4, and possibly 5, girls aren't all lying. But, the question is what can the pastor do. Considering he is accused of doing nothing about accusations and then the guy gets arrested and 3 more accusers come forward. Not saying it happened, just saying that I can't imagine he feels like the people have much confidence in him now.
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10/19/19 8:45 pm


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Post Cojak
My understanding from a member of the church that the associate pastor has admitted to the sins. The pastor says he knew nothing about the problem and was completely blindsided. My friend said he suggested to the pastor he shut down the church for 6 months. I thought that was a little harsh, but it has already gotten tough with reporters and it will get worse.

My question is, you are the pastor, not the one accused, what would you do? What options do you see? I hear the pastor does not comment here, but does read Acts. Any good advice or ideas to handle the 'storm?'
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10/19/19 9:26 pm


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Post sadlytrue77
Cojak wrote:
My understanding from a member of the church that the associate pastor has admitted to the sins. The pastor says he knew nothing about the problem and was completely blindsided. My friend said he suggested to the pastor he shut down the church for 6 months. I thought that was a little harsh, but it has already gotten tough with reporters and it will get worse.

My question is, you are the pastor, not the one accused, what would you do? What options do you see? I hear the pastor does not comment here, but does read Acts. Any good advice or ideas to handle the 'storm?'



Wonder why it is being said that there is absolute definitive proof that the pastor ignored warnings and proof of this happening months before it came out???
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10/20/19 11:52 am


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Post Cojak
sadlytrue77 wrote:
Cojak wrote:
My understanding from a member of the church that the associate pastor has admitted to the sins. The pastor says he knew nothing about the problem and was completely blindsided. My friend said he suggested to the pastor he shut down the church for 6 months. I thought that was a little harsh, but it has already gotten tough with reporters and it will get worse.

My question is, you are the pastor, not the one accused, what would you do? What options do you see? I hear the pastor does not comment here, but does read Acts. Any good advice or ideas to handle the 'storm?'



Wonder why it is being said that there is absolute definitive proof that the pastor ignored warnings and proof of this happening months before it came out???


For the life of me I do not understand that. statement that "They are saying", I hope it is not true. I do not know the pastor but I am in the same town, know some of the members, and have not heard that.

I still hope that is not the case (the pastor knowing before hand that is!).

Some of us older people may be ignorant enough to think this could be handled 'in house', because we were raised under different rules and in a much different world. A world where it was NOT commonly known that occurrences had happened in the Catholic Church and was handled with out the law or public knowledge.. NOW WE and Church leaders should know this is serious and needs to be taken care of to help the victims FIRST, while still concerned about the sinner, and not pass the buck to the next church or town. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad
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10/20/19 1:42 pm


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Post sadlytrue77
Maybe there isn't any thing to it. Maybe there is. Maybe the pastor was told that this youth pastor had been trying to solicit young girls. Maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was concerned about the kids. Maybe he was concerned about the youth pastor who was one of his best friends. Maybe he wanted to protect innocent kids. Maybe he wanted to protect a pervert. Maybe he investigated the claims. Maybe he just looked for an excuse to dismiss them. Who knows?
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10/20/19 2:56 pm


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Post Carolyn Smith
I'm not a pastor, but I think it would send an entirely wrong message to the community to close their doors for any period of time. If it's a COG, then it wouldn't be his decision, anyhow. My advice would be to weather the storm. Don't pander to/comment to the media. Focus on healing the people and the church. Point them to Jesus. The storm will pass, and they will be stronger and wiser for it.
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10/20/19 3:22 pm


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Post sadlytrue77
Carolyn Smith wrote:
I'm not a pastor, but I think it would send an entirely wrong message to the community to close their doors for any period of time. If it's a COG, then it wouldn't be his decision, anyhow. My advice would be to weather the storm. Don't pander to/comment to the media. Focus on healing the people and the church. Point them to Jesus. The storm will pass, and they will be stronger and wiser for it.


It is hard to weather a storm when the growing consensus is you refused to stop it
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10/20/19 11:02 pm


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Post Dave Dorsey
Carolyn Smith wrote:
I'm not a pastor, but I think it would send an entirely wrong message to the community to close their doors for any period of time. If it's a COG, then it wouldn't be his decision, anyhow. My advice would be to weather the storm. Don't pander to/comment to the media. Focus on healing the people and the church. Point them to Jesus. The storm will pass, and they will be stronger and wiser for it.

How do you think the victims will feel about this suggested path? I'm sure this is not the intent, but this approach seems to put a lot of emphasis on the wellbeing of this local church and not a lot on the wellbeing of the victims. They probably think of what happened as something other than a storm to be weathered.
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10/21/19 7:01 am


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Post buttrfli24
All I can say is I know these people. And I would be beyond shocked to find out this pastor knew about this and did nothing. This man lives above reproach. I have known him for more than twenty years and his grief and distress when this came out were genuine and he did not appear to be someone in the know. He seemed completely shocked and devastated.

I think it would be a good plan for us to pray for this church and these folks and leave the speculations alone.
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10/21/19 8:05 am


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Post sadlytrue77
buttrfli24 wrote:
All I can say is I know these people. And I would be beyond shocked to find out this pastor knew about this and did nothing. This man lives above reproach. I have known him for more than twenty years and his grief and distress when this came out were genuine and he did not appear to be someone in the know. He seemed completely shocked and devastated.

I think it would be a good plan for us to pray for this church and these folks and leave the speculations alone.


I hope your right. I hope all the people saying they told him are not telling the truth.
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10/21/19 8:44 am


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Post Cojak
sadlytrue77 wrote:
...
I hope your right. I hope all the people saying they told him are not telling the truth.
I have not heard this, I truly hope this has not happened. I say again. Seriously for HIS cause, As a pastor and you are completely blindsided, WHAT WOULD you advise him to do? He is hurting. He is concerned about victims and his church. He knows he will be slapped with blame himself for NOT knowing.
My thoughts would for him to seek out the victims, pray with them, ask them for input and their feelings. Work with them while visiting the assitant and praying with him.

Think, WHAT would you do? This is sort of a limited forum. I do not think this is going out at gossip. It is something that is public knowledge. I would agree with buttrfli24, we do need to pray for the pastor and situation. Input not accusations, is what the pastor needs presently. I thank God I am not in his shoes, from all reports he is a good man, and a man or God. Cool
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10/21/19 8:51 pm


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