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Aaron Scott

Terribly Sad Story...

Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology Posts: 6039 **11/28/18 12:22 pm**

A few months ago, a nearly starved kitten came out of the woods. My wife, resisting my suggestion to place it in a burlap bag and throw it in a pond, fed the cussed thing. And so now we had a cat. Until last night.

Yesterday, I get a call at work letting me know that my cat has been up in a tree for four hours and won't come down. So, when I got home, I let my wife know that I would first try humane efforts. And by "humane," I meant throwing balls at the confounded thing in the hopes of knocking it out of the tree. (We'd already had one of the boys of the church climb up in the tree, but to no avail.).

So, I begin throwing these "kick balls" (they used to be called "dodge balls") at the cat. I quickly discovered that I no longer had an arm. Not only were the kick balls too large for my, apparently, Trump-sized hands, but I could not hit that cat to save my life.

So, we tried the fire department. But being all-volunteer, no one answer. I contacted the Sheriff. Sorry, they said, they don't do that, nor does the fire department (thank you) nor animal control. So I had to try something else.

OH, FORGOT TO TELL YOU: IT WAS COLD!

Now, it wasn't Wyoming cold, but north Florida gets cold. It was in the 40s or so...and there was a freeze warning in effect for the night. But for north Floridians that is the equivalent of a Virginian going to Antarctica. To reiterate, IT WAS COLD!

I thought setting the tree on fire would end our problem one way or the other, but my wife seemed somewhat attached to "Honeybun"--a cat that we were TOLD was a female, only for the vet to let us know that the cat could not be spayed...BECAUSE IT WAS A BOY!!! So, burning the tree was not an option (at the time).

So, the most obvious thing to do next was, of course, to take a water hose and try to either blast the cat out of the tree...or make it so uncomfortable that it came down. (And, well, the thought that this might also accomplish the same end as a burlap sack and a pond, made this a doubly good idea.)

So, I went to work. But it now being dark and us having to use flashlights, I could not tell the difference between the cat from what just looked like the cat. I was seeing cats on virtually every branch. Shoot, for all I know there WERE cats on every branch--my night vision leaves much to be desired. Of course, there was also the possibility that I was hallucinating, but I typically see only double rainbows all the way across when that is happening.

Finally, not allowed to set the tree ablaze and having assuredly soaked the cat (and my jacket, shirt, and pants) I solemnly declared victory and retreated. Telling my wife that the cat probably desired to be in the tree, and that we were doing it great psychological damage to try to make it do something it obviously had not intention of doing, I shrugged my shoulders and went inside (finally!) to surf the internet.

As I sat there, it came to me that I had not yet tried to shoot the thing out of the tree. But when I went to get my shotgun, my wife had hidden the shells, disturbingly having anticipated--and confounded--my great idea.

At some point, I realized that of all the nights that a wet cat should not be stuck in a tree, it was that night, I figured I had better make another game effort to rescue it so that I could save face at its funeral that next morning. So I found a LONG sapling and thought that I could perhaps poke the cat--or at least shake the limb violently enough--and accomplish a Entebbe-worthy rescue. I mean, seriously, this was next-level SEAL stuff.

Unfortunately, there were still ten or fifteen cats scattered throughout the tree limbs. Worse, they kept moving around. I'd thrash a limb until I was sure that nothing could have...held on, and then, after my eyes readjusted, I found that the cat sat calmly looking at me, mocking me, making me want more than ever to try shooting it out of the tree.

In any case, after another couple of "I'm going inside for good...but let me try just one more time's," I went to bed. My wife had a terrible night, worrying about the cat who was somewhere up in the large tree, soaking wet, on the coldest night of the year, so far. Me? Outside a leg cramp or two (probably from the tremendous, almost superhero-like, effort I had expended for the cat), I slept like a baby. After all, what was the worst that could happen? The cat would be dead! And if not, then I could claim that all my efforts caused the cat to feel guilty over all the trouble we were going to, and so had come home of its own free will.

Long story short(er), we had a frigid night last night. This morning, my son tells me that this morning he heard the cat meowing...UP IN THE TREE. Well, this is not how I envision spending the Christmas season. I have never been an especially good hunter (although, I must modestly confess that I once, in an epic battle of wills between two apex predators, finally killed a violent armadillo, wrestling my shotgun from it and saving myself just in time), but I am thinking that if they ever have open season on cats, I would be most enthused.

So, tonight, when I get home, I will once again try to get that cat down. It seems to me that if nothing else, I can spray it real good again (along with its extended cat family that also lives in the tree), hope that it freezes solid and cannot move it's arms...and so falls to the ground.

But what is FAR WORSE is that now I find that I am starting to kind of like the cat. Anything that has survived through all of that deserves some love, don't you think?

(And, yes, this story is true. Partially. The part where I threw balls, wet the cat, shook the tree. That's all true. As well as the part about it staying in the tree all night, and still being alive.)

Nature Boy Florida

Acts-pert Poster Posts: 16641 **11/28/18 2:25 pm**

When they get hungry - they come back down.

Of course you knew that already.
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Whether you like it or not, learn to love it, because its the best thing going today!

Quiet Wyatt

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 12813 **11/28/18 4:17 pm**

Cats are very intelligent but generally stubbornly independent animals. When he makes his mind up, he will come down on his own. Iâ€™ve never understood folks who worry about a cat up a tree. Thatâ€™s literally their natural element.

Cojak

01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011 Posts: 24283 **11/28/18 11:14 pm**

I fed a cat this past summer. I got to liking her. she finally let me pet her. I maned her Stormy, since I think she had loose morals. I don't think they can come down a tree as easily as they go up. But they are survivors.

He ain't gonna like you very much though..

Good luck, maybe he is a good mouser.. Idea

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Aaron Scott

Terribly Happy Story...

Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology Posts: 6039 **11/29/18 8:22 am**

No, the good news is not that the cat finally died, but close....

Last night, I went home early from work so that I could have some daylight to work with, since at night there is apparently a whole herd of cats that inhabit that tree. For all I know, that's where their nest is. Or they have some holographic technology that makes it appear there is more than just my cat in the tree (and this is far more likely the case than that there are 20 cats in the same tree).

Fortunately, only my cat was in the tree when I got home, so that was a plus. I didn't even go in the house. I went straight to that long Mimosa limb--probably 16-20 ft. long--and went to work on shaking that cat out of the tree. I was reminded of nothing so much as our old 'possum hunts in the hills of Tennessee, trying to shake a possum out of the tree. The main difference being that there were no dogs involved in the making of this movie. And, well, it wasn't night. Nor were there hills. Oh, and it wasn't in Tennessee.

But I shook that limb until the cat was hanging on by only it's two front legs. And then I shook the limb until it wasn't holding on at all! It fell, then immediately skedaddled into the woods seeking a male restroom. Eventually, after my wife tempted it with a delicious can of MY albacore tuna, we had the cat back.

I even eventually petted it last night.

He didn't even go out this morning, apparently recalling all the bad things that can happen to a cat that goes out on cold days. Hopefully, this was his "hot stove" moment. I don't recall who said it, but the saying was something like this: "A cat that sits on a hot stove, will not only not sit on a hot stove again, but will not sit on any stove again."

Cojak

01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011 Posts: 24283 **11/29/18 10:00 am**

I just love a happy ending, and maybe an education.. I cannot believe the cat let you pet him after a cold shower!!! Good story!
_________________
Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
jacsher@aol.com
http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/