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 We are experiencing a parent's 2nd worst nightmare |
Could It Be True |
The worst nightmare for a parent is having to bury a child. I cannot even imagine what that would be like.
My wife and I are now going through what I consider to be the 2nd worst nightmare a parent can endure. One of our children informed us this week they are bisexual and in a same-sex relationship. We are brokenhearted.
How do we handle this?
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Scars are tattoos with better stories. |
Acts-celerater
Posts: 716
10/19/18 9:30 am
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| Re: We are experiencing a parent's 2nd worst nightmare |
Resident Skeptic |
| Could It Be True wrote: | The worst nightmare for a parent is having to bury a child. I cannot even imagine what that would be like.
My wife and I are now going through what I consider to be the 2nd worst nightmare a parent can endure. One of our children informed us this week they are bisexual and in a same-sex relationship. We are brokenhearted.
How do we handle this? |
Assuming your children were raised to believe the inerrancy of scripture, how is this particular child justifying such a choice? If they were being tempted and seeking help, that would be one thing. But what causes this conscious choice to embrace sin? Has your child opened up as to how this came about?
I certainly feel your pain and am praying for you. I worry daily about my kids falling away from the Lord.
How do you handle this? As much as you hurt, you must not make take it personally. Christ and his will must be the focus. Easier said than done.
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"It is doubtful if any Trinitarian Pentecostals have ever professed to believe in three gods, and Oneness Pentecostals should not claim that they do." - Daniel Segraves UPCI |
Acts-dicted
Posts: 8065
10/19/18 9:57 am
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| Re: We are experiencing a parent's 2nd worst nightmare |
Quiet Wyatt |
| Could It Be True wrote: | The worst nightmare for a parent is having to bury a child. I cannot even imagine what that would be like.
My wife and I are now going through what I consider to be the 2nd worst nightmare a parent can endure. One of our children informed us this week they are bisexual and in a same-sex relationship. We are brokenhearted.
How do we handle this? |
I am so sorry. I can relate in a lot of ways to what you’re going through. My older brother was raised in the same Pentecostal pastor’s home I was. He had felt called to preach since he was a child, and attended Bible college after high school, but eventually decided he wanted to become a Unitarian Universalist minister (the group that believes everybody ends up in Heaven no matter how they live and believe) He is adamantly pro-LGBTQETC, and a committed ‘nonviolent’ Marxist, even though he has been married with kids for over 35 years. He condemns the Pentecostal faith in which he was raised, says it is just misanthropic emotionalism, and accuses me of wanting people to suffer in Hell for all eternity.
He and I rarely talk, and if we do, we never see eye to eye. To me, it is like he is already dead. I have basically no words to share with him any more.
I’m sorry I don’t have any tips for you as to how to handle your daughter’s choice, except the obvious. Pray, love, fast, believe, and know that if she ever was saved, He who began a good work in her shall be faithful to complete it, and know that God loves her with a perfect, steadfast love that will never fail. I have often wondered if my brother is past hope, and has gone too far. Only God knows. |
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Posts: 12792
10/19/18 10:17 am
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Da Sheik |
| I'm sorry. I have been through so much heartbreak with my children over the years. I believe the devil attacks the parsonage more than any other home. I don't have any profound wisdom but I will offer some advice that has served me well over the years. Regardless of the choices your children make, do your best to keep the lines of communication open. There are times when I have vehemently disagreed with the life choices of my children. But I made sure they knew they still could always talk to me and that I would love them regardless of those choices. I believe the Father has that same love for us. The Prodigal in the far country and the Prodigal in the house were both loved by the Father. He patiently waited, urged, and pleaded. |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1860
10/19/18 12:11 pm
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| Re: We are experiencing a parent's 2nd worst nightmare |
FLRon |
| Could It Be True wrote: | The worst nightmare for a parent is having to bury a child. I cannot even imagine what that would be like.
My wife and I are now going through what I consider to be the 2nd worst nightmare a parent can endure. One of our children informed us this week they are bisexual and in a same-sex relationship. We are brokenhearted.
How do we handle this? |
My opinion? We today are living the warnings from Jesus that a man’s enemies would be those of his own household. Satan has found that corrupting our children is a sure way of bringing division in our homes, and he is using this method to his full advantage.
The way you handle it is to leave no doubt in this child’s mind that you love them unconditionally, but you cannot and will not accept their sin into your home.
My wife and I have discussed this after hearing of situations like yours, and we know that nothing can destroy the love we have for our child because that love is from God. Just as our Heavenly Father loves us unconditionally, so must we love our own children.
Be that as it may however, we also know that were such a thing to ever happen we would never welcome any same-sex relationship into our home, which means our child would be forced to make a very hard choice between her parents and her same-sex partner.
I pray that such a choice never has to be made.
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“Hell will be filled with people that didn’t cuss, didn’t drink, and may even have been baptized. Why? Because none of those things makes someone a Christian.”
Voddie Baucham |
Acts-celerater
Posts: 768
10/19/18 3:43 pm
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| Re: We are experiencing a parent's 2nd worst nightmare |
Eddie Robbins |
| Could It Be True wrote: | The worst nightmare for a parent is having to bury a child. I cannot even imagine what that would be like.
My wife and I are now going through what I consider to be the 2nd worst nightmare a parent can endure. One of our children informed us this week they are bisexual and in a same-sex relationship. We are brokenhearted.
How do we handle this? |
You need fellowship with parents of the same. BTW, I disageee with it being the second worst. Maybe, the worst thing is having a child who rejects God. |
Acts-pert Poster
Posts: 16509
10/19/18 4:00 pm
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Cojak |
LOVE THEM, LOVE THEM! Never stop loving them. IF or WHEN they come to their senses for their sake, BE THERE FOR THEM. They know your feelings, belief and faith. For heaven's sake you don't have to preach to them, just love them.
When I actually became an atheist, my loving wife NEVER preached to me. She loved me. For many years it was the same. I wasn't ignorant of her feelings, I had been there, I had actually believed there was a God too! So I knew that girl was wasting her time praying for me, but all the time I knew she loved me.
Love suffers long and is kind. Please do not push them out. They also know you are praying for them.
My heart goes out to you, but the best advice this old man can think of is LOVE!
PS: DaSheik above always has solid Godly common sense.
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http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ |
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Posts: 24277
10/19/18 11:01 pm
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Carolyn Smith |
I would agree that the most important thing is to love them unconditionally and be proactive in your love.
Probably about 5 years ago, I knew my older son was going through something with his faith, but the Lord didn't show me exactly what. My son finally wrote me an e-mail telling me he didn't really believe in God anymore and didn't really see it changing. He didn't want me to try to change his mind. When I knew he was wavering, the Lord had instructed me not to argue with him. When my son sent the e-mail, he also casually told me his girlfriend was moving in with him, so the timing of all of this was quite convenient. But at the end of the email, he said he still loved us and that would never change. He has very liberal views now, and I blame a lot of this on the very liberal college he attended for his BS. He allowed them to influence him but didn't want any spiritual input. He has also been very critical of how the church treats people (even before all this) and I have to admit he is right on some counts there. He is still the sweet & kind person he has always been deep down, and we try to ignore the differences and keep loving each other...though it does cut down on topics we can safely discuss.
Add to this my younger son broke off contact with us 8 years ago. I haven't seen or spoken to him in over 8 years. This is the hardest thing I've ever EVER been through & wouldn't wish it on anyone. I stalk him on what social media I can and know a little about his life. When all of that first happened, I wrote him emails & letters saying, "How could you treat me so badly? I can't believe you would do this to me." Finally my older son pointed out, "This isn't about you & how you feel. It's about how he feels. He isn't right about everything, but quit making this about you." It was hard to hear, but I knew he was right. So I stopped that & focused on what my son was feeling. I have done everything I know to do to heal the rift but nothing has worked so far. But I am still praying and believing God to turn things around.
So one son rejected everything most dear to me, what I taught him about God, and the other son has rejected us completely. Some days it was hard not to feel like an awful mother. Thank God for my daughter, who still serves God and is a strong, mature Christian. Her husband often tells me I didn't fail as a mother. Having him in my life has helped ease some of the pain, but nothing has helped the heartache. It is better at times, but it is pretty much constant. But seeing her life today reminds me I did something right.
The Lord also told me at some point, "I am bigger than all your mistakes." So don't blame yourself. You didn't cause this. And you probably can't fix this, but God can!
So my advice would be to keep loving your child and showing and telling them you love them, no matter what. I would not advise making them choose between you & a partner, because you will probably lose, and you don't want to lose your relationship with your child. But I've never been in that situation, so I don't know what I'd do. Just preserve your relationship with this child & continue to love them.
Karen Wheaton comes on FB around 9pm on Wednesday nights to minister to families that have a prodigal. Her daughter turned away from God for 2 years and she prayed her back into the kingdom. I would encourage you to watch her if you can. She also has a book she's recently written about waiting for your prodigal to return. It's called, "Watching The Road." I haven't gotten it yet but I know it must be good! Her FB programs are very good, and you can watch them later if you aren't there when it comes on. Just friend her on FB.
Don't give up. This didn't take God by surprise. Keep praying and fasting and speaking the Word. I often pray for my boys and ask God to send people to them to speak truth to them, so that they will know it is God speaking to them. I know there are godly people that God has put in my younger son's life. Pray and wait on the Lord. It's been very difficult for me, but I can tell you this - God is faithful! I know what He's spoken to my heart on these matters, and I continue to trust Him & wait on Him to bring my boys back to me & to Him.
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Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5910
10/20/18 9:18 am
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Link |
It really depends on how where the child is coming from. If he/she still believes the Bible on some level, tyou can explain that these lusts should be treated like other lusts.
If he/she experiences same-sex attraction lusts for sex that God has identified as sin. Some LGBT argue that because they experience attraction acting on it must be okay. I am sure there are couples in adultery who feel deep feelings for each other. That does not make it okay.
The emotional and relational aspect is more difficult. One concern I am facing is how to deal with a relative living with a married woman who considers himself a Christian but is living with another man's wife in light of I Corinthiansb 5. Hebhas stopped going to church. I am hosting some holiday meals.
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Acts-perienced Poster
Posts: 11849
10/20/18 9:39 am
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Dean Steenburgh |
We have a few families in our church who are suffering with this same issue.
Not too many years ago we would almost be offended to hear someone even bring up this issue & now it is mainstream.
This choice of lifestyle is hear to stay but it doesn't have to define our children even if they indulge.
We naturally are more offended with the sexual sins of our children but there are other things just as bad.
One lady I know whose daughter became bisexual & then a hard core lesbian simply began to pray every single day for deliverance on behalf of her girl. I know it must sound like a routine response but through unconditional love & prayer things changed. There were times when she hated her mom & had no problem screaming that.
When I say hard core I mean she went from looking like a cute teen girl to looking like a really tough dude & it looked like a permanent lifestyle choice.
Through hardship & trials, all due to her choices, one day she sought out mom who had never stopped loving her & she slowly made her way back ...slowly.
Today she is a beautiful young woman who through the help of the Lord has regained her attractions (proper & Godly) to men & she feels called to ministry.
We still have another daughter of the church (the granddaughter of a member) who is in even worse condition than the one above (if there could be a worse) & just last Sunday she came in for worship a few mins late but stayed until the end; we haven't seen her in church for years.
She didn't come down to the altar but she cried all through the service so I knew God was dealing with her heart.
I have to hold on to the fact that God still loves them & He will be faithful to them just like He's been faithful to me through my failures.
The devil has been trying to sell our kids a bill of goods that is packed full of lies & it's hard to watch them struggle with the consequences.
I'll be praying for your child & for you & your wife my brother.
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"Empty nest syndrome is for the birds!"
Email me at: SteenburghDean@gmail.com
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Golf Cart Mafia Capo Famiglia
Posts: 4682
10/20/18 4:18 pm
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Cojak |
When I was a kid, I only knew one couple (church related) where there was a divorce. I knew NO kids that had two daddys and six grandparents due to divorce and remarriage. In my family of nine there was one divorce. But in my own family both sons have two divorces. I can remember telling folks if you haven't experienced divorce in your family you will or will be blessed beyond measure.
Now the 'GAY' situation/or life style will touch most families in the next 5 to 10 years. This subject NEEDS to be discussed and faced. So far it has not hit my family, but I am afraid I see it coming and there is little I can do but pray. I do not mean to belittle the prayer part. BECAUSE I think that is the only answer. I also believe it works.
The gay lifestyle has been 'approved' by our government and like abortion, it will not be reversed. I love this country and it hurts to even type those words but I honestly think it is true. We are the last (modern) country to approve of gay marriage (I think), but we will not be the last.
This EVIL, CAN be over come on an individual basis methinks with prayer and LOVE.
Anyone facing this, YOU are not alone in not approving (I know you know this), but neither are you alone in the war, GOD is here and is on your side. I am sure the child has been saved. They are a child of God and HE is the ultimate FAther and will love them, no matter how prodical they are, they are His and his Love never ends. GOD is good, and God is on the side of RIGHT! 
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Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
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http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/
Last edited by Cojak on 10/22/18 7:56 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Posts: 24277
10/20/18 11:06 pm
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Eddie Robbins |
| After thinking about this, I believe my worst nightmare would be to have a child who committed a mass murder. Next, a child who rejects God. Then, one who passes away. |
Acts-pert Poster
Posts: 16509
10/21/18 1:56 pm
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Link |
The weird thing was that I could guess what this thread was going to be about when I read the subject line.
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Acts-perienced Poster
Posts: 11849
10/22/18 12:14 am
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Resident Skeptic |
I'd like prayer for my 13 year old. She is talking suicide. I kid you not. She is loved by everyone except herself.
_________________
"It is doubtful if any Trinitarian Pentecostals have ever professed to believe in three gods, and Oneness Pentecostals should not claim that they do." - Daniel Segraves UPCI |
Acts-dicted
Posts: 8065
10/22/18 5:17 am
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Carolyn Smith |
| Resident Skeptic wrote: | | I'd like prayer for my 13 year old. She is talking suicide. I kid you not. She is loved by everyone except herself. |
Get her in to see a counselor ASAP. My now estranged son did that around the same age, but it was a month after the flood happened & we lost everything. Seeing a counselor really helped him to process what was going on. Kids are up against so much today!
And prayer, of course...
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Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5910
10/22/18 6:01 am
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Quiet Wyatt |
| Resident Skeptic wrote: | | I'd like prayer for my 13 year old. She is talking suicide. I kid you not. She is loved by everyone except herself. |
Praying |
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Posts: 12792
10/22/18 7:28 am
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Preacher777 |
My heart breaks and my prayers go out to all of you who are going through these issues with young and adult children. Sometimes texts, emails and letters can come so please don't take this personal.
I believe at some point the church in America must deal with the reality that the world is winning the battle big time concerning our desire to influence them for Christ, sanctification and spiritual growth and their desire to pull Christians away from God. At what point to we get back to the basics of prayer and a separation from the world for believers? I am in no way pointing the finger at any parent but speaking to the church as a whole. |
Friendly Face
Posts: 434
10/22/18 8:09 am
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Resident Skeptic |
| Carolyn Smith wrote: | | Resident Skeptic wrote: | | I'd like prayer for my 13 year old. She is talking suicide. I kid you not. She is loved by everyone except herself. |
Get her in to see a counselor ASAP. My now estranged son did that around the same age, but it was a month after the flood happened & we lost everything. Seeing a counselor really helped him to process what was going on. Kids are up against so much today!
And prayer, of course... |
Thank you.
This all was amplified at puberty. She constantly makes bizarre, unsubstantiated claims against people at our church like "I hate all of them because they hate me. They are just in it for the money. blah blah". I mean it is CONSTANT. Our church paid for my dad's funeral and bought a new fridge when it went out the week my dad died. This is all a warped fantasy on her part.
She tells my wife "Daddy was stupid to marry you". She tells her 9 year old sister "I hope you die". Yeah, I have to deal with this is and stay focused on graduate studies.
_________________
"It is doubtful if any Trinitarian Pentecostals have ever professed to believe in three gods, and Oneness Pentecostals should not claim that they do." - Daniel Segraves UPCI |
Acts-dicted
Posts: 8065
10/22/18 8:41 am
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Cojak |
| Resident Skeptic wrote: | | I'd like prayer for my 13 year old. She is talking suicide. I kid you not. She is loved by everyone except herself. |
Prayers here.
This thread brings out much that the Christian must face through family. 
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Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
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http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ |
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Posts: 24277
10/22/18 9:40 am
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Resident Skeptic |
| Cojak wrote: | | Resident Skeptic wrote: | | I'd like prayer for my 13 year old. She is talking suicide. I kid you not. She is loved by everyone except herself. |
Prayers here.
This thread brings out much that the Christian must face through family. |
We have been through allot the past 8 years, but there was always love. This year has been especially tough, but it seems my daughter has decided only her feelings and wants matter. She has always had a tenedecy to try to make people like her. We've pointed out many examples of people wanting to be like HER, but she refuses to see it. SHE is the loser. SHE is the "weird girl". It is all an illusion.
She used to be "daddy's girl". Now the pain and suffering I've enedured this year does not even phase her. There is no compassion whatsoever. My wife tried to reason with her, asking her to consider the fact that daddy could not work the first 8 months of this year due to knee surgery, shingles, hosptitalization or week over a tick bite, my father's death, betrayal by my sister over my dad's estate, etc, not to mention keeping up in graduate school during it all. My wife asked her to consider all of that and how it must make daddy feel to hear his daughter say the thngs she does, But she shrugged her shoulders and said "None of that is my problem". She says we are nothing but white trash.
Folks, I promise you that aside from some hardship we have been a normal family. None of this makes sense. I'm not saying I've been a perfect dad by any means. But I have spent more time with my kids that most men do in a life time. She has not been spoiled mateially or allowed to misbehave. She has never attended public school. Granted, our rural living and lack of resources has made friendships difficult at times. But other kids have gone through that and didn't hate their folks.
She is ashamed of us. She asked us not to attend school functions or programs. Everythig we say and do at church is an absolute afront to her. And then there is the "smirk" on her face, like she is totally gleefull that we are hurting and that she caused the pain. In short, she is turning into a pshycho before my very eyes.
_________________
"It is doubtful if any Trinitarian Pentecostals have ever professed to believe in three gods, and Oneness Pentecostals should not claim that they do." - Daniel Segraves UPCI
Last edited by Resident Skeptic on 10/22/18 10:20 am; edited 2 times in total |
Acts-dicted
Posts: 8065
10/22/18 9:57 am
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