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 Annoying Church Folks: Wanting to be courted |
Da Sheik |
| I’m at a stage now where I love to encourage younger pastors and reflect upon my experiences in the ministry. Sometimes it helps to laugh to keep from crying. So I thought I would reflect about the “church shopper†today. You know the one. He makes it known he is in the market for a church and it must be the perfect church. He will not overtly state it, but he subtly lets you know that your church is one of many competing for his attention and affection. As a young pastor, I used to bend over backwards to get them to come to church. Now I see them for what they are. Typically a church bully that threatens to leave the moment they don’t get their way. |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1860
9/26/18 3:52 pm
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sheepdogandy |
Yep been there.
Our Constitution and By-laws Orientation class usually weeds these folk out.
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Charles A. Hutchins
Senior Pastor SPWC
Congregational Church of God
www.spwc.church |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 7298
9/26/18 5:17 pm
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Dave Dorsey |
| sheepdogandy wrote: | Yep been there.
Our Constitution and By-laws Orientation class usually weeds these folk out. |
The church we recently joined had the same approach. The membership class was basically a four week effort to give fencesitters second thoughts about joining. They were as honest as could be about the inner workings of the church and their positions on thorny issues of doctrine and practice. It was great. There was also an informal meeting with a pastor-elder required so you could share your testimony of salvation and they could evaluate your understanding of and belief in the gospel. They said very few "fail" that interview, and when they do they just lovingly put the brakes on and ask if the person would be willing to engage in some discipleship prior to joining. But the membership process in general was informal but extremely serious, and my wife and I both really appreciated that. |
[Insert Acts Pun Here]
Posts: 13654
9/26/18 5:21 pm
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| Re: Annoying Church Folks: Wanting to be courted |
US MALE |
| Da Sheik wrote: | | I’m at a stage now where I love to encourage younger pastors and reflect upon my experiences in the ministry. Sometimes it helps to laugh to keep from crying. So I thought I would reflect about the “church shopper†today. You know the one. He makes it known he is in the market for a church and it must be the perfect church. He will not overtly state it, but he subtly lets you know that your church is one of many competing for his attention and affection. As a young pastor, I used to bend over backwards to get them to come to church. Now I see them for what they are. Typically a church bully that threatens to leave the moment they don’t get their way. |
There is no education like that acquired through experience. It's been awhile, but I've encountered some of the church "folk" you speak of over the years. The phone calls asking, "Does your church offer this, or that–– do you provide this ministry, and that ministry?" God love 'em. People want to find a place they fit, I get that. But, how about doing a Phillip and "Come and see" (Jn 1:46). I've wondered what sort of response I'd get if I were to ask, "What are you going to bring to our church? Are you faithful in attendance? giving? Do you have a servants heart? Willing to volunteer from time-to-time? Hmm... the church is only as strong, and effective as its membership is supporting. Come and make our church better–– that would be awesome.
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Live pure. Speak true. Right wrong. Follow the King. |
Newbie
Posts: 8
9/26/18 6:53 pm
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Cojak |
It is hard for a young pastor NOT to fall into the 'courting trap'. Most everyone wants new 'apparently stable' folk.
In rare occasions, it works great! That is looking mostly from the pew. 
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Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
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http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ |
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Posts: 24277
9/26/18 9:22 pm
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| If you want to have some fun... |
roughridercog |
Take out your phone and ask for the phone number of their former pastor. You want to know what they are bringing to the mix. 
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Doctor of Bovinamodulation |
Acts Mod
Posts: 25306
9/27/18 5:48 am
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Nature Boy Florida |
Maybe the prospective member could call the last church the pastor was at - and find out the results of the last place he was at.
It might tell him a lot.
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Whether you like it or not, learn to love it, because its the best thing going today! |
Acts-pert Poster
Posts: 16619
9/27/18 6:40 am
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US MALE |
 One thing is certain, we're ALL going to receive a report card some day. I humbly confess that I have fallen short many times. I continue to ask the Lord to give me a shepherds heart. The best we can do as believers is to live a "blameless" life (1 Cor. 1:8; Phil. 2:15; 1 Thess. 5:23), not a "faultless" one.
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Live pure. Speak true. Right wrong. Follow the King. |
Newbie
Posts: 8
9/27/18 10:00 am
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Da Sheik |
| I’m especially cautious of those who come in on the first day telling me all about their ministry experience. Especially if they just left another pastor. My wife has worked in HR for a large corporation for many years. She uses a filter question in almost every interview. This question will give the potential employee a chance to speak negatively of former employers and/or superiors. Those that take a very negative approach are immediately taken out of consideration. |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1860
9/27/18 11:39 am
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Dave Dorsey |
I told the story of our recent membership process -- we were also asked to provide name and contact number of previous pastor, and an explanation of why we left the church. It was important to our new pastors to know we were not under discipline at a previous church, and that they would not be granting fellowship to someone to whom they should not be.
I don't think they wound up calling, as we had spent nine months forming a relationship with the elders prior to becoming members, but I cannot even begin to describe how deeply we appreciated and respected that posture. They were NOT looking to grow their church. They were looking to pastor the flock that God had committed to them. |
[Insert Acts Pun Here]
Posts: 13654
9/27/18 12:02 pm
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| There's something else too.... |
Aaron Scott |
Some folks visit a church to determine just how THEY will be received. That is, will they be "wined and dined," so to speak. I guess everyone would appreciate a church that did that, but there's often something else beneath the surface....
Some people are really trying to determine how their ministry will be received. Will the pastor ooh and ahh over their "prophetic" and "powerful" statements? Will the pastor indicate that he is ready to put them in a leadership role very quickly, without a whole lot of vetting and observation? And there are many far more subtle ways that they can see and "opening." If not the pastor, do the MEMBERS seem to be thrilled to have them (which might mean allowing the newbie easy access to having authority).
I don't think most of these people come with those specific thoughts in mind, but there can be a subconscious desire to have immediate "authority," have a ready-made "fold" of sheep who will heed what they say, etc. Someone with significant talent can be a real challenge to a pastor. Someone comes in who can perhaps "out-preach" him, or always has "a word" for the church, or.... It's not hard for a pastor to wind up seeming quite small an ineffective, even though he is the one who truly has the church at heart.
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS EQUATION.... If I go to a church and people are just outrageously friendly, want to take me and my family to dinner (even though they don't know me), you know what I think? CULT.
There is friendliness...and there is creepiness. Maybe I'm just messed up in some way, BUT IT IS MORE LIKELY THE CASE THAT I AM A TOWERING DYNAMO OF SPIRITUAL DISCERNMENT!!!!! (Not really, but I like typing in all caps.)
Seriously, a few years ago, there was this thing that some churches were trying where they would take first-time visitors to dinner, etc. While I'm sure the intentions were right, I don't know if they fully understood how real people might see that. I imagine there were some who took them up on the dinner...and plenty who didn't. Of course, if you only want people who WOULD go allow complete strangers to buy their dinner, well, that probably worked well.
But maybe that's just me. I do think the intent was pure.
Last edited by Aaron Scott on 9/28/18 11:53 am; edited 1 time in total |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 6032
9/27/18 3:31 pm
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FLRon |
| Dave Dorsey wrote: | | sheepdogandy wrote: | Yep been there.
Our Constitution and By-laws Orientation class usually weeds these folk out. |
The church we recently joined had the same approach. The membership class was basically a four week effort to give fencesitters second thoughts about joining. They were as honest as could be about the inner workings of the church and their positions on thorny issues of doctrine and practice. It was great. There was also an informal meeting with a pastor-elder required so you could share your testimony of salvation and they could evaluate your understanding of and belief in the gospel. They said very few "fail" that interview, and when they do they just lovingly put the brakes on and ask if the person would be willing to engage in some discipleship prior to joining. But the membership process in general was informal but extremely serious, and my wife and I both really appreciated that. |
Oh how I wish my church did something like this. We have nothing,and I do mean nothing. People become members simply by telling the pastor they want to join the church. Sad
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“Hell will be filled with people that didn’t cuss, didn’t drink, and may even have been baptized. Why? Because none of those things makes someone a Christian.”
Voddie Baucham |
Acts-celerater
Posts: 769
9/28/18 10:08 am
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