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 From Preacher to Atheist (and back) |
Cojak |
This is long, but I was asked for a testimony, here it is, if you have the inclination to read it. It is VERY TRUE and could happen in other's lives.
I have been asked by PM’s & email by three posters lately to explain the statement I use, ‘Back when I thought I was a preacher.’ Not long after starting reading and posting here I related this. But here it is again.
I was in the USAF and a member of the Biloxi, MS COG. Pastor CH Matthews, a wonderful man of God who has since gone to his reward. I had a friend, Fred Brannen also a member but in the USCG. WE were neighbors. Both of us sons of COG preachers. Fred felt the call to the ministry.
I loved teaching SS and working in the church, especially with children. I worked at it and became a chalk artist and decided I must be called to preach, like Fred. So I started working for my exhorter’s license. I was transferred to Missouri, the closest church was 60 miles and we attended regularly. The local pastor set-me=forth to preach.
I was fortunate and was assigned the Moberly COG as pastor where I was a member. I lasted about a year and a church came open in NC and the SO called and asked if I was interested, of course.
I pastored that church for a couple years and then after much praying and fasting I decided to start a church near my wife’s home town. The State agreed. We took an old automotive garage and a shack on the same lot. Remodeled and started the New Hope COG. I’m smiling here. My boys like to say they lived in a house with no indoor plumbing. Yep they had an outhouse.
The church went well. We started with 20 total adults and children. They were all members of the nearby Church’s, and with the blessings of their pastors.
For a year the increase was near a hundred. BUT I looked back at my ministry, and there was NOTHING that had ever happened under my watch that I could consider a miracle. I got hungry to see that happen. I prayed, fasted and sought God. Asking for some sign that I should be here. It was like praying against a steel ceiling. After weeks of this, fasting on and off I put a fleece out. That is Biblical, right?
My fleece was, ‘I am going to see my DO. I will not tell him there is a problem because that would ‘telegraph’ a message. If he says, “You have a problem, let’s pray about it.†I’m in 100% if I never see a miracle.’
The DO had nothing but praise at the progress of our church and our leadership. No hint that he knew I was depressed.
I left his church and went directly to the State Office. In the early 1960’s you could walk into the Overseers office. I honestly prayed my heart out on the way to his office, “God, if you are real, you know I am in a fix. Tell this overseer I am coming and have a problem.â€
The secretary said go right in Brother Jack. The Overseer was a good man. He greeted me with a handshake and a hug and began the same accolades that echoed the District Overseer. Never once did he hint he knew I had a problem.
I left his office and went back to our new parsonage. I began packing. My wife came home from work and asked what in the world was I doing.
I broke my wife’s heart. “Honey, I love you. There is no God. I am not going to stand in front of these wonderful folk and tell something that is not real. I am resigning Sunday Morning. I know where a house is for sale. I think I can get it with nothing down. Total price is $3000. I will get a job as a carpenter. We will move Monday or Tuesday.
At that time I was building a steeple for Paul Collins at the Dallas COG and wanted to finish the job. I was on the church roof when my wife drove up and talked to me from the ground. “You can’t mean that honey, let’s talk about it.â€
“I do mean it sweetheart, There is no God, honest. I will finish this steeple today and I will be home and we can talk about it as we pack.â€
I resigned. No, I did not tell the congregation of my disbelief, they were wonderful honest hard working people. I would never hurt them if I could help it. I told them I was going back to school, which I planned to do and did do for a year. Then I joined the USN.
I knew my wife would always be a believer. I was raised COG, I had no problem with that. I attended church with her except for a short period while we worked in DC. That caused a little problem.
A lot more happened over the years, I retired from the USN before I regained my faith. I will tell you what I have told many. Do not believe the Atheist is miserable, he isn’t. I had no stress about heaven or hell. Since there is no God there is no after life, no problem.
If you have taken the time to read this, thanks. It is not a part of my life I am proud of. I was never called to preach, but to be a good member and teach kids. Since my return to His Care I did several Youth Camps, VBS, Boy Scouts Outings, Camp Meeting Children church, church youth gigs and Kids Crusades. God has blessed me. I still have not seen that miracle, but I know HE LIVES and I am happy!
_________________
Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
jacsher@aol.com
http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ |
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Posts: 24282
10/30/17 10:43 pm
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UncleJD |
| Thanks for sharing that Cojak. I think your faith is a miracle in itself. "Flesh and blood hasn't revealed it to you, but my Father who is in Heaven" |
Golf Cart Mafia Consigliere
Posts: 3145
10/31/17 8:45 am
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| Re: From Preacher to Atheist (and back) |
georgiapath |
| Cojak wrote: | This is long, but I was asked for a testimony, here it is, if you have the inclination to read it. It is VERY TRUE and could happen in other's lives.
I have been asked by PM’s & email by three posters lately to explain the statement I use, ‘Back when I thought I was a preacher.’ Not long after starting reading and posting here I related this. But here it is again.
I was in the USAF and a member of the Biloxi, MS COG. Pastor CH Matthews, a wonderful man of God who has since gone to his reward. I had a friend, Fred Brannen also a member but in the USCG. WE were neighbors. Both of us sons of COG preachers. Fred felt the call to the ministry.
I loved teaching SS and working in the church, especially with children. I worked at it and became a chalk artist and decided I must be called to preach, like Fred. So I started working for my exhorter’s license. I was transferred to Missouri, the closest church was 60 miles and we attended regularly. The local pastor set-me=forth to preach.
I was fortunate and was assigned the Moberly COG as pastor where I was a member. I lasted about a year and a church came open in NC and the SO called and asked if I was interested, of course.
I pastored that church for a couple years and then after much praying and fasting I decided to start a church near my wife’s home town. The State agreed. We took an old automotive garage and a shack on the same lot. Remodeled and started the New Hope COG. I’m smiling here. My boys like to say they lived in a house with no indoor plumbing. Yep they had an outhouse.
The church went well. We started with 20 total adults and children. They were all members of the nearby Church’s, and with the blessings of their pastors.
For a year the increase was near a hundred. BUT I looked back at my ministry, and there was NOTHING that had ever happened under my watch that I could consider a miracle. I got hungry to see that happen. I prayed, fasted and sought God. Asking for some sign that I should be here. It was like praying against a steel ceiling. After weeks of this, fasting on and off I put a fleece out. That is Biblical, right?
My fleece was, ‘I am going to see my DO. I will not tell him there is a problem because that would ‘telegraph’ a message. If he says, “You have a problem, let’s pray about it.†I’m in 100% if I never see a miracle.’
The DO had nothing but praise at the progress of our church and our leadership. No hint that he knew I was depressed.
I left his church and went directly to the State Office. In the early 1960’s you could walk into the Overseers office. I honestly prayed my heart out on the way to his office, “God, if you are real, you know I am in a fix. Tell this overseer I am coming and have a problem.â€
The secretary said go right in Brother Jack. The Overseer was a good man. He greeted me with a handshake and a hug and began the same accolades that echoed the District Overseer. Never once did he hint he knew I had a problem.
I left his office and went back to our new parsonage. I began packing. My wife came home from work and asked what in the world was I doing.
I broke my wife’s heart. “Honey, I love you. There is no God. I am not going to stand in front of these wonderful folk and tell something that is not real. I am resigning Sunday Morning. I know where a house is for sale. I think I can get it with nothing down. Total price is $3000. I will get a job as a carpenter. We will move Monday or Tuesday.
At that time I was building a steeple for Paul Collins at the Dallas COG and wanted to finish the job. I was on the church roof when my wife drove up and talked to me from the ground. “You can’t mean that honey, let’s talk about it.â€
“I do mean it sweetheart, There is no God, honest. I will finish this steeple today and I will be home and we can talk about it as we pack.â€
I resigned. No, I did not tell the congregation of my disbelief, they were wonderful honest hard working people. I would never hurt them if I could help it. I told them I was going back to school, which I planned to do and did do for a year. Then I joined the USN.
I knew my wife would always be a believer. I was raised COG, I had no problem with that. I attended church with her except for a short period while we worked in DC. That caused a little problem.
A lot more happened over the years, I retired from the USN before I regained my faith. I will tell you what I have told many. Do not believe the Atheist is miserable, he isn’t. I had no stress about heaven or hell. Since there is no God there is no after life, no problem.
If you have taken the time to read this, thanks. It is not a part of my life I am proud of. I was never called to preach, but to be a good member and teach kids. Since my return to His Care I did several Youth Camps, VBS, Boy Scouts Outings, Camp Meeting Children church, church youth gigs and Kids Crusades. God has blessed me. I still have not seen that miracle, but I know HE LIVES and I am happy! |
Good post |
Acts-dicted
Posts: 7593
10/31/17 12:13 pm
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| Sobering |
Aaron Scott |
| Have you ever felt, Cojak, that the DO or SO didn’t hear from God...or that God just didn’t send them a message? |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 6036
10/31/17 12:13 pm
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| Re: Sobering |
Cojak |
| Aaron Scott wrote: | | Have you ever felt, Cojak, that the DO or SO didn’t hear from God...or that God just didn’t send them a message? |
Much later I thought a lot about it. If I had confided in either man they would have done anything to help. If they felt something down inside, probably with my friendly almost positive nature, they could have questioned a feeling or message. In hindsight over 50 years later, it is hard to say. I was immature, maybe simple in my spiritual approach.
I have thought many times, maybe it was me that did not listen to the voice of God. At the time that were few 'youth ministers, or children's ministries' in the COG. It would have been innovative at the time to volunteer at a local church to do 'Children's Church.' That would have been 'thinking out of the box' at the time.
I was younger than the DO or SO but we were still friends, maybe you can't see a friend who is doing well, as in trouble.
Once I decided my path I never questioned their reasons or motives. I didn't need to know. (for many years) 
_________________
Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
jacsher@aol.com
http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/
Last edited by Cojak on 10/31/17 9:19 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Posts: 24282
10/31/17 8:31 pm
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Da Sheik |
| Thank you for this wonderful and transparent testimony! |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1860
10/31/17 9:07 pm
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Link |
I remember hearing a college minister talking about witnessing to an atheist. The atheist had all these intellectual-sounding reasons for not believing in God. Then the college minister got what he believed was a word of knowledge.
He told the atheist, "You aren't an atheist because of all these reasons you tell me. You are an atheist because your mother died when you were young. You got angry at God because your mother died, and you told him you weren't going to believe in Him anymore."
He'd hit the nail on the head.
Cojak, do you think a part of you might have been wanting to get 'revenge' at God for not answering your prayer?
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Link |
Acts-perienced Poster
Posts: 11849
11/1/17 11:52 am
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bradfreeman |
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Cojak |
| Link wrote: | ...
Cojak, do you think a part of you might have been wanting to get 'revenge' at God for not answering your prayer? |
That is a very good possibility. But if you 'decide' by circumstances there is not God because he is supposed to be a good Father. I had done everything i had been taught and read in scripture to do, and everything was hollow.
I was mad for awhile (inside) that there was no God, because I had been raised all my life in a parsonage and believed it with all my heart.
There was a disappointment. Not mad at God, since there was none. Just disappointed that if He knew all and existed, He would have known I was honest and sincere.Maybe misguided but still seriously needing assurance from above. i did think of many answers he could have given my superiors, " Bro Jack, God says you are naive, and need to get a job. to Let's pray, He says when He is ready you will hear."
Basically, That was a human telling God what to do.
I firmly believe there are many ministers just like I was. I wanted to see a real move of God in my church. Maybe patience would have been good. But over the years I have realized I had no 'CALL TO PREACH ' on my life, but a calling to use my talents in the winning of young souls to the kingdom.
Love you LInk, God bless your ministry over there or where ever you are sent.
_________________
Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
jacsher@aol.com
http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ |
01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011
Posts: 24282
11/2/17 9:49 pm
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