Actscelerate.com

Resident Skeptic

When your wife does not share your burden.

Acts-dicted Posts: 8065 **4/27/17 1:53 pm**

Ministers, have you ever experienced a season where you felt a burden or leading from God in a particular area and your wife just did not feel it, and, furthermore, did not even seem interested in praying for God to show her?
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"It is doubtful if any Trinitarian Pentecostals have ever professed to believe in three gods, and Oneness Pentecostals should not claim that they do." - Daniel Segraves UPCI

Nature Boy Florida

Acts-pert Poster Posts: 16619 **4/27/17 5:43 pm**

Just a thought. It might be you - not her. Perhaps that is where your prayers should be focused. She might just have gotten tired from the last "vision" you received that never came to fruition.

Perhaps God didn't confirm it to her - because you have missed it. Maybe there isn't anything to show.

My experience: When God talks to us - he is working on us - not our spouse. When He finally gets us ready - the spouse will be ready.
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Whether you like it or not, learn to love it, because its the best thing going today!

Old Time Country Preacher

Acts-pert Poster Posts: 15564 **4/27/17 6:58 pm**

Resident Skeptic

Acts-dicted Posts: 8065 **4/27/17 7:03 pm**

Cojak

01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011 Posts: 24277 **4/27/17 10:51 pm**

Years after I left the ministry my wife confided that she had NEVER felt comfortable as a preacher's wife. She was/is one of the most godly women I know. She was not proud of how I left the preaching ministry, but was glad she was no longer a 'pastor's wife'.

I was so wrapped up in what I 'THOUGHT' was the will of God, I never asked her opinion. She was a dedicated wife and followed me in many occupations (IT appeared I could not hold a job).

She told me two 'successful' COG pastors wives confided to her, they felt the same, and their husbands were still pastoring. They were not happy.

We had a young pastor in Florida who pastored a large church and his wife went to the State Overseer and told him she was leaving her husband because he refused to quit pastoring. She divorced him and he married one of the members and is still pastoring the same church I understand.

I said that to say, If I had known my wife was miserable and did not see my goals, I would have modified them, my family is that important to me.
God, family, church or calling; would be my order of priorities. Cool

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Acts-perienced Poster Posts: 11849 **4/28/17 1:43 am**

It can happen both ways, where either spouse isn't really excited about another spouse' ministry, vision, etc. Outright opposition would be a lot more difficult to deal with.

I've experienced a couple of times where I believed the Lord wanted us to move to a particular place, and it takes my wife a while to hear or perceive that this is the Lord's will. It's happened in advance of the move, so it hasn't been a serious problem. It would be nice, though, if your partner says, "God just told me the same thing."

I know a couple who experienced that. They were both doctors in the UK. They flew to the US for something. The story went something like this. One said to the other, "I believe the Lord may be wanting us to move to America." And the other one said he or she just heard the Lord tell him/her the same thing. They gave up their medical careers, moved to the US and worked selling Amway and doing something with health insurance. The husband was in a venture to start an MLM company, the actual company, the last I heard. And they've helped plant numerous house churches along the way, including with people from their Amway downline.
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Aaron Scott

Something Keith Ivester said...

Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology Posts: 6032 **4/28/17 6:42 am**

I had always felt that my own spiritual experiences and ability were ahead of my wife's. Not that I didn't respect her views, but being older, having more experience, etc., I just felt that if we were in conflict spiritually, I was surely the one in the right.

Bro. Ivester was preaching in Live Oak and mentioned how he had learned to heed his wife's advice. He mentioned that if his wife indicated that she wasn't comfortable about a certain person, say, he listened carefully.

I don't recall all the particulars, but I felt like it was a word from the Lord for me to be more sensitive to my wife's take on things. For YEARS, I had wanted to pastor, but because I wasn't sure of my calling, and because my wife was fairly adamant that she did NOT want to be a pastor's wife (with ALL that comes with that!), I just did what my hands found to do, so to speak.

But when the Lord opened the door to pastor, my wife was EXCITED about the opportunity. Had it happened before then, it might not have been the Lord's best for us. But today I simply could not be an effective pastor without her. She is the one who organizes so much of what is done in terms of special Sundays, etc.

So, Resident, consider that while your vision may be true...there may be a timing issue that God is working on. If it is from God, then He will find a way to make things happen, I believe.

Nature Boy Florida

Acts-pert Poster Posts: 16619 **4/28/17 7:27 am**

Cojak

01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011 Posts: 24277 **4/28/17 8:20 am**

FG Minister

One Third of My Congregation Doesn't...

Acts-celerater Posts: 874 **4/28/17 8:29 am**

One third of my congregation of 350 doesn't know who my wife is. My wife is a godly woman devoted to prayer, but she is not interested in fulfilling a traditional pastor's wife role. I have never forced her to do it. Early in our pastoral work (30 years ago) she served a stint as Ladies Ministries President, but with only 45 people there weren't many options. She didn't like being "up front." For the past 28 years she has served behind the scenes supporting me with her prayer life and counsel. I wouldn't have it any other way.

She sometimes feels guilty about it, but I tell her she gives me the best support I can ask for - prayer. No one in our present pastorate of 20 years has ever expected anything more from her. She has a full-time job in accounting and attends church and will be seen in the kitchen at funerals and other food events, but that is the extent of her public role.

She has even been invited to attend our church by people she has met at work and when she tells them she is my wife, they are shocked. Please note that we have two services so some people simply do not know people from the other service. Guys - PLEASE don't force your wife to be something she isn't. You will find a great deal of peace when this part of your marriage and ministry is settled.

Quiet Wyatt

Re: When your wife does not share your burden.

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 12792 **4/28/17 9:36 am**

Resident Skeptic

Re: When your wife does not share your burden.

Acts-dicted Posts: 8065 **4/28/17 10:41 am**

Quiet Wyatt

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 12792 **4/28/17 6:34 pm**

In the town where I pastor, the IPHC was pastored by a husband and wife. After several years, the husband decided he wanted to return to his former life of partying, divorced his wife, and built a house in town that is known to this day as "the party house." His poor ex-wife stayed true to the Lord and pastored that little church for many more years, right up until her death. I say she was a hero, but some would no doubt try to blame her for what her husband did.

Charles Page

Friendly Face Posts: 346 **4/28/17 7:34 pm**

is there any such thing as an innocent party in a marriage breakup?
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Sanctification is subsequent to the new birth

Quiet Wyatt

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 12792 **4/28/17 7:39 pm**

Old Time Country Preacher

Acts-pert Poster Posts: 15564 **4/28/17 8:06 pm**

Resident Skeptic

Acts-dicted Posts: 8065 **4/29/17 7:38 am**

Clint Wills

I've told a few young men...

Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology Posts: 5163 **4/30/17 7:26 pm**

I've had conversations with a few young men who feel like they have been chosen for vocational ministry about this very thing. I have told them, "your wife MUST come before vocational ministry, but your girlfriend does not! If your girlfriend isn't on board with being the wife of a pastor, then don't let her become your wife."

4golf

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4golf · Bound By Beaulah Posts: 1003 **4/30/17 8:27 pm**

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Ronnie Lingerfelt A/K/A 4 golf.

Da Sheik

Acts Enthusiast Posts: 1860 **5/1/17 9:30 am**

If the veils were lifted, you would realize many ministry couples are unequally yoked. Not in the broad sense of that phrase, but as it applies to ministry. Churches can devour pastors' wives. The expectations and demands on them are often greater than that of the pastor.

And let's face it. Ministers often subject their wives to a lack of stability and security. After a while, this instability can breed resentment. I have overheard conversations between my wife and other wives of pastors. There is often a common thread of discontentment with the church.

My wife attends our second service, but beyond that she doesn't take the lead in anything. She has no desire to be a prominent "First Lady" within the church. She loves our church and they love her, but she much prefers a behind-the-scenes role. Most of our close friends are not involved in ministry. We find that hanging out with preachers and their wives can be depressing. They can be a negative bunch! Laughing