It doesn't happen every day, but as ER and ICU Chaplain, it does happen several times a week. Either I'm "making rounds," room-to-room or a family has asked to to visit their Loved One. Their Loved One is in a Coma.
If there are friends or family members in the room, I greet them and introduce myself. "Hello, my name is Doyle. I'm Chaplain on duty this evening. I have come to visit with (Name). Prior to entering the room, I have asked a nurse to share the patient's first name with me.
Because of HIPPA privacy laws, she can only do that because I'm on-staff. When I enter the room, I like to greet the family by using the name of their Loved One.
I walk to the bedside of the patient and begin talking to them as if they were alert. "Hello (Name), my name is Doyle... I introduce myself just as if they were not in a Coma. I share who I am and that I have come to be with them. Why would I talk to a person in a Coma?
NOTE: In many cases, the last thing to go for people who are in a Coma or for those who are nearing the end of this life, is their hearing. So, even when they slip into a coma, talk to them. Tell them of your love. Tell them how much their life means to you. While talking, touch their hand, arm, shoulder or forehead. Even if they can't respond, it is possible they may be able to feel your touch.
In most cases, a local pastor will already know the family and the one in a Coma. However, for me, that is seldom the case. So, I may ask the family about their Loved One. It may be the first time I have ever seen them. I also ask if the person has a "Faith Community." In most cases, families who are in church regularly, will bring up prayer, "Chaplain, will you please pray?"
But not everybody in the hospital is involved in church. I have never had anyone refuse prayer, but not only am I seeking to be with the one in a Coma, I am building a relationship of trust with the family. So, before proceeding, I involve them in the process. I may ask "Where do you draw strength from in times like this?"
Their reply to that question, will tell me volumes about the family's faith, church, religion, or lack thereof etc. For example, if they reply, "We are trusting the Lord," that tells me something. If they say, "Our strength comes from prayer. Our pastor came by this morning," that tells me something. However, if they reply (as one man did) "From my Golden Retriever," that tells me something too.
What I want to do is provide the family an opportunity to respond honestly. I do not want to impose myself or religion on them. I do not think anybody is blessed by someone pressuring or goading them into something even if it is religious. If there is to be prayer, I want it to be
something they welcome. Only then will it be meaningful to them and at that moment, that is the priority - what will be meaningful and thereby helpful to this hurting person or family.
I know this will not go down well with some, but I am Chaplain of Catholics, Protestants, Pentecostals, Buddhist, Hindus, Jewish people and Muslims. I love them all and am honored to have them as patients and as friends. I do not compromise my faith, but I attempt to use wisdom. In a lifetime, I have never been able to help anyone who I have offended.
At our hospital, it is mostly Baptists, Methodists, a few Presbyterians and every now and then, a Pentecostal sprinkled in... and "None."
So, there are days I pastor the "nones." I try to visit and establish a relationship with those who are not necessarily religious. These are the patients who listed "none" as their religious preference.
While the prayer in the room of a patient in a coma, is for the patient, it is also for the family members who are present. They are there because they care about that person in the bed. It may be that their heart is breaking. They may be deeply traumatized and especially so, if the one in a Coma is their son, daughter, mother, father, husband, wife etc.
If the family of someone in a Coma, has shared that they have a church where they attend regularly, I may ask them to gather around the bed for a time of prayer. After working in a hospital setting for awhile, one can "read" the feeling in the room.
If you have a family member who is in a Coma, since they may still be able to hear, request others not to talk about the person unless what they have to say is good. If people are wanting to make funeral arrangements or talk business, ask them to step out of the room where the person is located. If they insist on discussing or arguing over who gets the dying person's TV or other stuff, gently kick them out of the room or out of the house.
People who have been in a Coma and recovered, have at times shared that they could hear what people were saying around them. I do not know when they can hear or not, so I talk to them and pray with them as if they do.
I was in a hospital room with a man who was in a Coma. He had not said anything for days. His family members were not particularly a religious family but were "so glad" I had come to visit. When I asked them if it was OK for me to pray, there was a moment of hesitation to the family's response. Suddenly, from the patient, there came a fairly strong grunt.
It was the only sound he had made in days.
The nurse and family were amazed and overjoyed. The patient's Mother said, "Chaplain, I think we just got an answer to your question about prayer. I believe he heard you and wants you to pray."
It is Scripture, not me, that said, "Faith comes by hearing..." Evidently that man in a Coma heard us talking about prayer, and from deep within himself, somehow mustered enough strength to let us know he would welcome prayer. Just thinking about it brings tears of joy to my eyes.
Doyle
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5/10/16 11:56 am
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Why you SHOULD TALK to people in a Coma
