Actscelerate.com

Could It Be True

What would you tell this young man?

Acts-celerater Posts: 717 **4/21/16 4:28 pm**

I have a couple in my church that recently separated. They were experiencing some difficulties, the husband grew tired of his attempts to make things better not being recognized as enough by his wife so he left.

He has since began having a sexual relationship with another woman. His 10 year old son, who was already angry at his father for leaving, is now even more angry sine this info has become known and wants nothing to do with his father.

I'm supposed to talk with this young man tomorrow. What would you tell him?
_________________
Scars are tattoos with better stories.

Link

Acts-perienced Poster Posts: 11849 **4/21/16 8:06 pm**

I think you could talk about Jesus' teaching on forgiveness and 'honor thy father and mother.'

If it were me, I might point out that a lot of people who get angry, bitter, and resentful against their parents repeat the same sins in their own life.

I'd also point out that it is possible to take a stand and not be tolerant of sin, but also be respectful and honor parents.
_________________
Link

bonnie knox

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 14803 **4/21/16 8:26 pm**

Link, I'm going out on a limb here and guess that you thought 'Could it Be True' is talking to the 10 year old. If I'm not mistaken, he is asking what to say to the man who is separated from his wife and in a relationship with another woman.
(By the way, if I were talking to the 10 year old, I would definitely validate the kid's feelings, and I don't think I would add to his burdens.)

As to what to say to the young man, may God grant you wisdom. Sounds like some bridges have been burned.

Dave Dorsey

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 13654 **4/21/16 9:45 pm**

Be the father to him that life didn't give him. Show him how to go to the secret place and get affirmation from a Father who will fill in the spirit every single void that was created in his life as a result of the failings of his earthly father.

The only way he will ever be able to truly walk in honor and love toward his earthly father is to discover his heavenly Father's heart. You can talk to him about all that stuff if you want but it won't ever be anything more than a work of the flesh until God restores his heart and sheds His love abroad in it.

I pray that God would give you wisdom and grace to speak wisdom and grace into this young man's life in the name of Jesus our Lord.

Carolyn Smith

Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology Posts: 5910 **4/22/16 12:45 am**

It sounds to me as though he is talking with the son.

I think he has probably already had that talk, but this is my opinion.

You need to tell him something a kid can understand and relate to.

I think I would tell him that anger is a God-given emotion but not to get stuck in it. Anger would be pretty normal in that situation, and as long as he doesn't get stuck in that anger and stay there, he'll get through this.

I would also tell him that God cares. God cares that his family is going through this and that he's hurting and angry. And when he feels that way, he should talk to God and be honest and tell him how he feels...and ask Him to help him. And maybe you could let him know you would talk to him too, if he needs someone to talk to.
_________________
"More of Him...less of me."
http://twitter.com/camiracle77
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=691241499&ref=name

Paul W. Nolan

Friendly Face Posts: 115 **4/22/16 6:01 am**

I would say to either one of them, "This is what I know based upon what I've heard. Now, why don't you tell me what you know." You can't possibly know what to say until you hear what it is they know, or feel, or believe. I have found that a person's perception is the only reality they know. Maybe the young man's perception is wrong. Maybe the 10 year old's perception is wrong. Maybe the wife's perception is wrong. Could It Be True, your perception may be wrong. My point is, until you really know what's going on, REALLY know, you can respond all day long with great advice that doesn't fit the situation.

Could It Be True

I am talking to the 10 yr old

Acts-celerater Posts: 717 **4/22/16 8:06 am**

bonnie knox

[Insert Acts Pun Here] Posts: 14803 **4/22/16 11:15 am**

Okay, I misunderstood. Thanks for clearing that up.

The boy definitely needs a friend and needs support. I know adults whose parents divorced when they were about that age. It made a lasting impact on them that affects the way they are today. I've have heard people say how it really rocked their world. Sometimes, the kids who are younger than that seem less impacted than the ones that are 9 or 10 or so. It can be a major emotional devastation.
A couple of things to be wary of--don't give him unrealistic hopes and don't let him shoulder any blame. Other people make really bad decisions that can affect us, and God has given them the free will to make those really bad decisions.
I think Carolyn gave good advice in encouraging to make a goal of not staying stuck in the anger and bitterness he feels now.
Just make sure he is validated in feeling that way now. It is appropriate to feel anger and bitterness now considering the betrayal he's been through.
I especially like Paul's advice to let him tell you how he feels and tell you what his reality is.
Sometimes you have to mourn with those who mourn and resist the urge to bypass the grieving process.