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Wives submitting to their husbands
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Post Wives submitting to their husbands Link
Someone lamented that there used to be rip roaring Bible discussions on Acts. So I figured I'd post something controversial.

The Bible tells wives to submit to their husbands in Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and I Peter 3. This type of thing can make a lot of church-going people uncomfortable. It's considered politically incorrect.

I went to a church service a few years ago where the speaker spoke on the passage that mentions this in Ephesians 5. He read the part about wives submitting to their husbands, said that we had heard that preached on quite a bit, didn't go into detail on the issue at all. Then he talked about how husbands had a much bigger weight with loving their wives like Christ loved the church and spent the rest of the sermon talking about the importance of communication in marriage.

I can see why he said the command to husbands is harder. The thing is, though, I never hear Christian husbands try to argue their way out of needing to love their wives like Christ loves the church. We may admit we have a long way to go, but we generally accept that that is the standard, theoretically. But I've seen a lot of arguing out of wives submitting to their husbands, trying to redefine terms and things along that line. It really goes against the cultural grain.

But I was thinking, I'm Gen X. I didn't go to church in the '60's or '70's. I've heard some preachers say that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands from time to time. But I haven't heard a lot of them, at least not where I went to church, talk about what that means. And the church I heard that sermon in was 'seeker sensitive', and I would imagine a lot of the people in the pew hadn't seen wives submitting to their husbands modeled in their own households growing up, and probably hadn't heard it taught on in depth at church.

It seems like a lot of preacher treat wives submitting to husbands like the topic of divorce and don't want to touch it with a ten-foot pole. Or else they tread very lightly. And some just go with the cultural flow and try to downplay it or outright argue against it. I've seen online, in video sermons, etc., people who don't know Greek trying to redefine what the words mean.

Something is seriously wrong with our cultures system of marriage. There are so many divorces and problems in marriages. This topic is only one tiny cog in a rather large machine.

So my questions are these:

Do many preachers neglect this topic?
How does doing so effect marriages?
What does a wife submitting to her husband look like?
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Post Nature Boy Florida
I want to know what a wife submitting to her husband looks like, as well.

What does it mean today - what did it mean 2000 years ago?

Does the church have the authority to compel someone to submit anymore in the US. Isn't it easier to say that was just for that culture - and women being over men is the acceptable standard today?
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Post Daniel Rushing
Nature Boy Florida wrote:
I want to know what a wife submitting to her husband looks like, as well.

What does it mean today - what did it mean 2000 years ago?

Does the church have the authority to compel someone to submit anymore in the US. Isn't it easier to say that was just for that culture - and women being over men is the acceptable standard today?


Maybe this:
http://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/03/7-ways-to-discipline-your-wife/

Or this:
http://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/18/how-a-husband-can-enjoy-sex-that-is-grudgingly-given-by-his-wife/
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Daniel Rushing wrote:
Nature Boy Florida wrote:
I want to know what a wife submitting to her husband looks like, as well.

What does it mean today - what did it mean 2000 years ago?

Does the church have the authority to compel someone to submit anymore in the US. Isn't it easier to say that was just for that culture - and women being over men is the acceptable standard today?


Maybe this:
http://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/03/7-ways-to-discipline-your-wife/

Or this:
http://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/18/how-a-husband-can-enjoy-sex-that-is-grudgingly-given-by-his-wife/


I thought I was stirring the pot, but I think you out-did me. I was wanting to post a discussion on wives submitting to their husbands rather than husbands 'disciplining' their wives. The title of the first article is more shocking than the content, though. A man would have to have his act together to do that sort of thing. But some of those things might make sense if a man is married to an immature, irresponsible wife who runs up the credit card. The legal system and institutions of this country used to be set up more in a way that would allow a man to do that sort of thing, back when banks wanted husband's approval on a wife opening an account. Now, the system sometimes rewards wives for unilaterally divorcing their husbands, and men are vulnerable from a legal perspective.

In the latter article, I kept thinking if the wife isn't into it, it's the husband's job to get her into it. A grudging attitude is a bad thing, and also a turn off. Not being into it at the moment, but being willing isn't so bad, and that can be overcome. The husband needs to considerately and diligently help a willing wife become more interested.

I think we have a lot of voices talking about sex needing to be consensual these days, partly because fornicators have taken over our culture and when guys take drunk girls home in a country of fornicators, consent becomes a really big issue. Sexual morality in our culture is all about consent and if you do it, use a condom. That seems to be the extent of it. But there don't seem to be a lot of voices in the culture talking about sexual morality along the lines of husbands and wives having a duty to fulfill one another's needs. Hearing fornicating left-wingers moralize about the importance of consent to fornicate isn't enough to prepare people for the ethical issues related to marital sexuality. Young people get a lot of the former on college campuses, but not the latter.
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Post Old Time Country Preacher
Link wrote:
fornicating left-wingers.


Democrats?
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Post Nature Boy Florida
Daniel Rushing wrote:
Nature Boy Florida wrote:
I want to know what a wife submitting to her husband looks like, as well.

What does it mean today - what did it mean 2000 years ago?

Does the church have the authority to compel someone to submit anymore in the US. Isn't it easier to say that was just for that culture - and women being over men is the acceptable standard today?


Maybe this:
http://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/03/7-ways-to-discipline-your-wife/

Or this:
http://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/18/how-a-husband-can-enjoy-sex-that-is-grudgingly-given-by-his-wife/


Umm - ok.

That's one end of the pendulum. I believe article 2 superseded anything I had ever heard before.

I was kinda hoping for something in between.
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Post What I HATE is the spin on it! Aaron Scott
Men, we can become emasculated by popular culture, if we aren't careful.

It's almost gotten so twisted that you'd think the man was supposed to submit to the woman, since if he really, really, really loved her he would.

HOGWASH.

Jesus does not submit to the Church. Jesus is the head of the church. He loves the church, He gave Himself for it, but no one will ever make the mistake of wondering just Who is in charge.

Same with the family, I believe, at least in aspiration.

Dysfunction can happen in many ways. But one of them is for the woman to be "in charge" of the home when there is an otherwise qualified husband. It leads to problems--every single time that I've observed.

Women are now taught to be much more assertive. And certainly, in the business world, that's acceptable. But when a wife tries to take charge at home (often acting as if the man "won't" take charge), it's going to be a problem. Period.

It's one thing if the man truly is "broken" in some way. It's another if the woman simply doesn't agree with his leadership or otherwise wants to be in control.

Women know that there is virtually nothing a man can do if she resists his leadership. That is why a woman is called to SUBMIT. That implies a VOLUNTARY act.

A woman is just as bright (maybe more) than a man. She might even have better leadership skills. That's why she is asked to submit, for she might naturally overshadow her husband. She doesn't HAVE TO...but if she will, there is the blessing, I believe, that comes with walking in obedience to God's word and design.

Peace reigns in the home.

Hearts are knit together.

Tenderness ensues.

Children are blessed.
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10/22/15 5:10 pm


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Post John Jett
Daniel Rushing wrote:
Nature Boy Florida wrote:
I want to know what a wife submitting to her husband looks like, as well.

What does it mean today - what did it mean 2000 years ago?

Does the church have the authority to compel someone to submit anymore in the US. Isn't it easier to say that was just for that culture - and women being over men is the acceptable standard today?


Maybe this:
http://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/03/7-ways-to-discipline-your-wife/

Or this:
http://biblicalgenderroles.com/2015/10/18/how-a-husband-can-enjoy-sex-that-is-grudgingly-given-by-his-wife/


Now this is funny stuff, keep it coming! Laughing
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Post I agree with adult discipline. Aaron Scott
I'm serious.

It happens in your very churches...yet you're afraid to apply it in your own home?

If you superintendent is doing something you don't want done, especially in a defiant manner, you are going to respond to that. And it is hoped that it is more about the health of the church than it is about "your authority," but that is certainly important too.

Even on secular jobs, there is room for correction and discipline. Certainly there is in the military.

Apparently, some men have believed the laughable lie that it's OK to correct everyone in the church and even your own children, but not your wife?

Really?

Fortunately, I imagine that most of our wives don't need correction or discipline. If a word can fix it, then do nothing more than say words. But if a wife is out of control in some way, if she is about to shipwreck a marriage, if she is defying authority, then I dare say that if Jesus saw that in His church, He'd do something about it...and if we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church...then it follows that in such circumstances, we, too, will act.

Quote:
(1 Timothy 3:4 KJV) One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity;
(1 Timothy 3:5 KJV) (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)


How dare we correct people in the church, but take a hands off approach to our own house. That would easily be classified under "get the beam out of your own eye first."

Now, I am speaking hypothetically. But IF a man had to correct his wife, it should be done, obviously, in a way that doesn't undermine her to the kids or the church. But to act like you should do nothing at all is to lose the perspective of your role.

Yes, my wife will kill me when she reads this. Fortunately, I am ready to go. (SMILE).

But, seriously, IF IF IF a wife is not in subjection, then, while a man cannot manhandle her, obviously, he may have to find other ways to bring matters under control. I don't know if I've heard of adult "grounding," but it would certainly be an option in such a case, I would think.

Waiting for Tom Sterbens to show up and tell us that the man is subject to the wife...well, if he really, really loves her.

Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil
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10/22/15 8:31 pm


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Aaron Scott, I think you make a valid point. I didn't think that first article was too out of left field. In some marriages some of that advice makes sense. If you are a manger of a company and an employee comes in late and doesn't do his work, you are going to correct, confront, and possibly even fire him. Firing isn't generally a Christian alternative when it comes to a husband wife relationship. If a man's wife is out of control, he needs to have some boundaries. But most of that stuff makes more sense if the wife is kind of irresponsible and the man has it together.

An elder of the church has to rule his own house well, and he's supposed to be an example to the flock. If his wife is trying to usurp his leadership role, then he'll have to deal with that. If a man can't do that, how is he going to handle a leadership role in the church, which involves dealing with people, too, and not manhandling them.

People who live in our culture get a lot of 'girl power' in their intellectual diet. We learn it at school and on TV and the news. Some churches even talk about female empowerment. If that's the message people get, but never any instructions to wives about submitting to their husbands, they can get out of balance in their thinking, and it can lead to wives not respecting their husbands and following their leadership.

One theory I've heard for why there are so many divorces is that, in spite of the cultural influences to the contrary, women desire men to lead. A woman may be disrespectful to her husband if he doesn't lead. If she's disrespectful and he doesn't confront it, she loses further respect for him. Then she gets bored with him and starts to view him with contempt. Then she starts thinking about divorce. 65% or 70% so of no-fault divorces are filed by women.

And if they file for divorce for no reason, the state often rewards women with the children and a stream of the man's income to support the kids, which she also uses to help keep herself up.

There are a lot of men now who just don't want to get married and prefer to shack up for years or go from girlfriend to girlfriend-- I'm talking about society in general in America. They see the lack of social incentives and society doesn't respect men much for being husbands and fathers.
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Post Re: I agree with adult discipline. Link
Aaron Scott wrote:

Waiting for Tom Sterbens to show up and tell us that the man is subject to the wife...well, if he really, really loves her.

Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil


Smile

He doesn't usually say it that way. He says redemptive something or other.
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Post John Jett
the spirit of Brandon Bowers is upon me, so I'll say that "any man that feels some kind of charge from reading that article has a serious issue, probably stemming from an undersized 'paycheck' Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Golf Cart Mafia Capo Famiglia
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Post mytimewillcome
John Jett wrote:
the spirit of Brandon Bowers is upon me, so I'll say that "any man that feels some kind of charge from reading that article has a serious issue, probably stemming from an undersized 'paycheck' Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil


My wife tells me I have the biggest paycheck she's ever seen
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Post Re: I agree with adult discipline. Link
Tom Sterbens wrote:
Link wrote:
Aaron Scott wrote:

Waiting for Tom Sterbens to show up and tell us that the man is subject to the wife...well, if he really, really loves her.

Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil


Smile

He doesn't usually say it that way. He says redemptive something or other.

Aaron and Link teaming up on male domination. Wow.
Paul would say it something like this today: "Small gentiles in their thinking."


I can't find anywhere that Paul said that. Paul told wives to submit to their husbands. Who knows what he'd say about Gentiles who disagreed?

Do you believe that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands? I haven't said anything about 'male domination.' I believe in husbands being leaders, being the head of the wife, and being good fathers and things of that nature.

Why don't we get past the banter and address the topic. Do you believe a wife is supposed to submit to her husband? How is a wife supposed to submit to her husband? That's in the Bible a number of times. What do you believe it should look like?
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Post Twisted? Aaron Scott
Certainly any man who uses such principles wrongly or for just personal privilege would be wrong. One way others try to resist the truth is to act as if it is twisted for a man to have the temerity to seek to order his home aright, to take the God-given lead in his home. Of course, one might as well argue that Jesus is out of line to be head of the church.

No, men aren't Jesus, but we are to try to be like Him.

I trust most of us are blessed with good marriages, but not every Christian man is. In such cases, that man gains nothing by surrender.

It's easy to make fun of the Biblical stance in our times, but it think men realize at their core that something is amiss if things are out of control. Husbands and wives are a team. But I wonder if anyone thought Arab should have reigned in Jezebel? David certainly reigned in Michal.
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Post Nature Boy Florida
mytimewillcome wrote:
John Jett wrote:
the spirit of Brandon Bowers is upon me, so I'll say that "any man that feels some kind of charge from reading that article has a serious issue, probably stemming from an undersized 'paycheck' Twisted Evil Twisted Evil Twisted Evil


My wife tells me I have the biggest paycheck she's ever seen


I guess she does not work in payroll.
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Post Re: I agree with adult discipline. Nature Boy Florida
Aaron Scott wrote:
I don't know if I've heard of adult "grounding," but it would certainly be an option in such a case, I would think.


Dude - grounding your wife?!?!?!
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Post NBF... Aaron Scott
I've never done it. I am saying that IF IF IF a man had to deal with such a wife, it is a possible avenue.

Consider how you would deal with a wife who was out of control. Well, you certainly aren't going to physically assault her, are you?

If you were a manager of a company and one of your employees was not doing right, would you do nothing?

Of course not!

The problem--it's always the problem--is men who will abuse their leadership. They may want their wife to be little more than a slave. That's wrong, clearly. But even in higher level relationships, there are times when discipline must be applied.

Consider the U.S. Army that has demoted generals--GENERALS!--who did not act properly.

I used "grounding" because I thought that would likely be the least constrictive sort of correction. Then again, I would have LOVED to have been grounded rather than getting a spanking from my dad. He NEVER grounded me. EVER!!!!

I trust that most of us are blessed to have wives that, if we asked them, would be only too willing to make reasonable accommodations (as I trust we would be willing to address their reasonable expectations).

But if a man has a disrespectful wife...well, you know what happened with David and Michal. He didn't divorce her, but apparently he never was intimate with her again. She had crossed a line when she disrespected his sincere worship.

God HIMSELF punished Israel, his wife...eventually divorcing her...even though, time after time, He still came back for her, still came through for her.

I challenge anyone to tell me just what a man should do in the case of a disobedient, dismissive, and disrespectful wife. If you say "pray for her," then I will ask you if you let dysfunction go on in your church and just "pray for it" and nothing else.

No, SOMETIMES, a stronger stance is required. NOT because we don't love and care for someone, but because we know that God expects us to take a stand.

I am probably the easiest going fellow you'd ever meet. In 19 years of marriage, I think there was ONE TIME my wife and I disagreed on where to go eat. I just go wherever she wants to go, etc.

BUT she knows that as easy as I am to go with pretty much whatever she'd like to do, there are a few lines--just a few--not to cross (as in making me go to the mall all day--SMILE).

In most cases, I trust that the words between a husband and a wife are fully sufficient to cause either of them to adjust their behavior, as necessary. But if not, let's not act like there's nothing else that can be don or should be done.
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Probably in most cases telling your wife you are 'grounding' her probably isn't a good move. Smile

Just generally I life, there are times when you have to stand up to people at work or just in relationships in general and not be a push-over. If you are a supervisor, manager, or teacher, there are times you may have to set up some consequences if people you are responsible for aren't doing what they are supposed to.

In the case of a wife who likes to shop and run up credit card debt, if it's a joint card under her husbands name, cancelling her card makes a lot of sense. If it's in her name, legally there is not much a man can do. Fortunately, I have a frugal wife. As good a wife as I have, on rare occasion, I've got to take a firm stand on a issue. But I've never told her 'you are grounded' or had to take away credit cards, etc.
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Post Carolyn Smith
Here is one woman's opinion on submission.

Yes, it's Biblical. But in order for submission to be effective, it must be a choice. If it's not, it becomes bondage...control and manipulation, no matter who is doing it. If I choose to submit my will to the will of my husband or any other authority figure, then it becomes a pleasing sacrifice to the Lord. If I submit because I have to, not because I desire to, it creates anger and resentment.

If you want your wife to submit, try showing her respect and love. You reap what you sow. If you want her to respect you, treat her with respect. Don't treat her like a child or like she's stupid. Treat her like an adult worthy of love. Grounding your wife? Not likely (or wise.) If there are problems that need addressing, face them as two adults working towards a solution.

I have always contended that if a man would truly love his wife as Christ loved the Church, she would have no problem at all submitting to him.
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