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Turning a funeral into a memorial service

 
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Post Turning a funeral into a memorial service doyle
My wife Linda once told me, “Doyle, you do excellent funerals.” Though it was a compliment, I found it rather odd. Obviously, as a pastor, I wanted to lead a memorial service that would be meaningful to the family and friends of the deceased.

Though Linda is quick to give a compliment if she really feels it is true, she is not one given to flattery. She does not throw out compliments just to please people or somehow get her way with them.

She shared that though she was not sure why, the services I conducted had a “more personal feel to them.” That sparked my interest. I began to observe what I did differently than other ministers when conducting a funeral service. There was no goal or intent of any kind to elevate what I was doing above others.

I began to notice that in many funerals, the deceased is hardly mentioned. Sure, the minister may read some info from a card the funeral home has prepared for him or her. Information that tells the name of the deceased and some on the “survived by” list. After that, many ministers say little else about the deceased. Instead, the time is spent in preaching a sermon.

When asked to do a funeral, my goal is to lead a memorial instead. This is done by learning as much as I can about the one who has died; when and where they were born, where they lived, the circumstances of their growing up, what their family life and work life was like. Accolades or awards they received can be a part too. I search for good things about them that some may not know.

This is done through meeting with their family; parents, children and grandchildren if they are old enough. “Tell me about your son. Tell me about your father or mother. Tell me about your grandfather or
grandmother.”

I also try to find some things the family thought were humorous; favorite stories and even favorite sayings the person my have often used. And I attempt to get several family members or friends of the deceased to share about their Loved One for a few moments.

Yes, I too speak of faith and preparing for eternity, but usually after much of the service is spent sharing about the one who has passed from this life. That way, it becomes a memorial instead of a funeral.

Please feel welcome to share ideas you have for conducting funerals and or memorials.

Doyle
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10/11/15 8:22 pm


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Post Cojak
When my BIL passed, Me was Methodist and had a lady pastor. She talked in depth with the family the period between the death and funeral, she made it clear she was preparing Sonny's Memorial. She did good.

That is what I read from this post, and yes there is always something good that the mourners will want to remember.

We lost another BIL and he had what they called a memorial and it was an AMBUSH at his sons who drank a lot, they (2 4sq Lay preachers) even called the deceased by the wrong name. A pitiful and depressing service. Sad

So the post rings with a positive bell, when I think back...
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10/11/15 8:54 pm


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