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most annoying preacher-isms
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Post most annoying preacher-isms The CoG Bullet
10) a statistical survey tells us that in 1965, the top problem in schools was chewing gum. Now it's gang violence and open sex in the halls (several variants)

09) God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve

08- Well you can stay here if you want to and tribulate, but bless gawd when that trumpet sounds, I'm a gonna translate!

07) every head bowed, every eye closed...yes, I see that hand, yes...I see that hand

06) there was a little boy whose daddy ran a drawbridge and he was playing on the gears when the big boat was coming-story follows

05) turn to your neighbor and say ____________

04) err-body say __________

03) amen pastor that's good preaching/I think I'll amen myself/Say amen rat derr...

02) smokin wont send you to hell but it will sure make ya smell like ya been there

and the number one annoying preacher saying:

01) well if you gone clap clap don't give God no patty-cake
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6/28/08 11:01 am


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Post Just a few more! Pastors Friend
Everybody stand to your feet. (I guess that means not to stand on your head).
Each and every one of you... (Who is an each and who is the every?)
Give God some praise up in heah... (Exactly where is "up in heah?)
Can't git no hep up in heah
You ain't listenin. ( Could it be because you "aint" sayin nutin?)
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6/28/08 2:08 pm


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Post how about Pastor Gary
"Y'all help me preach!" (You didn't call me to help you spend the love offering...)
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6/28/08 2:28 pm


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Post What about... COG girl
Hello Church!
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6/28/08 5:58 pm


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Post And.... COG girl
that's some good preaching if I do say so myself. (Real arrogance)
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6/28/08 6:00 pm


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Post Ending EVERY sentence with a loud String Bender55
GRUNT I.E.

Shake that tree again honey! HuuuH!
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6/28/08 6:05 pm


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Post 2ndgeneration
"Now if the President of the United States walked in here, ya'll would all be up clapping and showing him honor... Well, I tell ya the greatest of all royality, the highest of all, leaders, the greatest of all men, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords is in this place right now. Why don't ya stand up and give Him some praise!!!"

and everyone commences to do just that Smile
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6/28/08 9:44 pm


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Post StephenHoell
2ndgeneration wrote:
"Now if the President of the United States walked in here, ya'll would all be up clapping and showing him honor... Well, I tell ya the greatest of all royality, the highest of all, leaders, the greatest of all men, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords is in this place right now. Why don't ya stand up and give Him some praise!!!"

and everyone commences to do just that Smile


Is that not true? What's the problen with that?
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6/28/08 10:37 pm


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Post Link
Saying 'Bless God' in a tone of voice that makes it sound like a cuss word.
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6/28/08 11:10 pm


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Post 2ndgeneration
StephenHoell wrote:
2ndgeneration wrote:
"Now if the President of the United States walked in here, ya'll would all be up clapping and showing him honor... Well, I tell ya the greatest of all royality, the highest of all, leaders, the greatest of all men, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords is in this place right now. Why don't ya stand up and give Him some praise!!!"

and everyone commences to do just that Smile


Is that not true? What's the problen with that?


Its true but way overdone. I once heard 3 different preachers use it in the span of less that 48 hours.

It gets annoying and loses luster if you use it too often and most of the time, it's used to just get people hyped up.

I've used it myself, just so you know.
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6/28/08 11:47 pm


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Post The CoG Bullet
another old one along that line...

You go to a (we say Georgia Bulldogs, insert your team) game and you scream your head off...and you come to church and you get just as quiet...won't even praise God!

ohhhhh that one is old.

LOL

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6/29/08 10:00 am


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Post Re: Ending EVERY sentence with a loud The CoG Bullet
String Bender55 wrote:
GRUNT I.E.

Shake that tree again honey! HuuuH!



a preacher has NO business using the word "honey"...in that way...

"Honey, I'm hear to tell you, bless gawd, that gawd didn't make Adam and Steve, he made Adam and Eve!"

If only they understood how much of a wall that throws up.


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6/29/08 10:02 am


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Post oh lets see???? Joe Nail
bless Gawd you know i'm right.

do not forget to snort on the inhale between sentences.

wipe you nose and mouth with a handkerchief the put it back in your pocket. that stuff is good later.

preacher you done quit preachin and gone to medlin.

i was gonna preach real hard on the ten commandments the week my bicycle got stolen. so i did. really gona lower the boom on "thou shall not steal" but when i went over "Thou shall not commit adultery." i remembered where i left my bike.



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6/29/08 1:18 pm


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Post Redneck
This is an awesome thread!!

You guys are killing me!!
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6/29/08 4:30 pm


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Post Stand to your feet Saints... Layperson
Theologically correct perhaps, but I don't consider myself a saint. Acts Enthusiast
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6/29/08 4:54 pm


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Post well in the black church.. jonbrown999
Giving honor to God who's the head of my life, to the pastor (bishop... minister..) and all the saints....

Thank God I am saved, sanctified, fill with the precious Holy Ghost and wid a mind made up to go on and see what the end gonna be!

slap yo neighbor and say... "Gawds got a blessin' for you."

"I'm a traveling preacher but i can't preach to a traveling congregation..." when too many people are up and down to the bathroom... or whatever...

and the singing/rapping preaching... with the Hammond organ giving sound effects and "backing up the preacher."
NO WAIT!!! that's actually pretty good!


jb- used to like to hear AA Allen say "Gawd" and Shambach say "you don't have no problem... all you need is faith in Goooddddd!"
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6/29/08 5:21 pm


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Post Re: well in the black church.. String Bender55
jonbrown999 wrote:
Giving honor to God who's the head of my life, to the pastor (bishop... minister..) and all the saints....

Thank God I am saved, sanctified, fill with the precious Holy Ghost and wid a mind made up to go on and see what the end gonna be!

slap yo neighbor and say... "Gawds got a blessin' for you."

"I'm a traveling preacher but i can't preach to a traveling congregation..." when too many people are up and down to the bathroom... or whatever...

and the singing/rapping preaching... with the Hammond organ giving sound effects and "backing up the preacher."
NO WAIT!!! that's actually pretty good!


jb- used to like to hear AA Allen say "Gawd" and Shambach say "you don't have no problem... all you need is faith in Goooddddd!"
Thanks for a lil bit of soul Bro! Good to hear from ya again!
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6/29/08 5:24 pm


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Post RaceForTheCure
One of the top 10 2008 threads. I have laughed my head off. You can tell we have that pentecostal heritage because every time I thought of a preacherism to post someone else posted it.
I am laughing my brains out and my spirit is lifted! Here's the only other one I could think of right off the bat.

"Can I get a hand clap of praise?"
...............just one? Isn't is usually several?
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6/29/08 8:48 pm


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Post mytimewillcome
My least 2 favorites:

"Thats such good preaching I'm gonna give myself an offering" --then proceeds to whip out his wallet

also..

"Ya'll don't shout me down when I'm preaching good" --Huh? What does that mean exactly
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6/30/08 8:37 am


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Post youngleader
This stuff may be funny in a way...

But to me, it's sad.. These are most of the reasons people hate church. The pastor learned his cues from a circus conductor.

Is that what we do in Pentecostal churches? Run a circus?
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