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 most annoying preacher-isms |
The CoG Bullet |
10) a statistical survey tells us that in 1965, the top problem in schools was chewing gum. Now it's gang violence and open sex in the halls (several variants)
09) God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve
08- Well you can stay here if you want to and tribulate, but bless gawd when that trumpet sounds, I'm a gonna translate!
07) every head bowed, every eye closed...yes, I see that hand, yes...I see that hand
06) there was a little boy whose daddy ran a drawbridge and he was playing on the gears when the big boat was coming-story follows
05) turn to your neighbor and say ____________
04) err-body say __________
03) amen pastor that's good preaching/I think I'll amen myself/Say amen rat derr...
02) smokin wont send you to hell but it will sure make ya smell like ya been there
and the number one annoying preacher saying:
01) well if you gone clap clap don't give God no patty-cake
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Shootin em' straight,
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The CoG Bullet |
Acts-celerater
Posts: 983
6/28/08 11:01 am
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| Just a few more! |
Pastors Friend |
Everybody stand to your feet. (I guess that means not to stand on your head).
Each and every one of you... (Who is an each and who is the every?)
Give God some praise up in heah... (Exactly where is "up in heah?)
Can't git no hep up in heah
You ain't listenin. ( Could it be because you "aint" sayin nutin?) |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1345
6/28/08 2:08 pm
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| how about |
Pastor Gary |
"Y'all help me preach!" (You didn't call me to help you spend the love offering...)
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I reserve the right to own my words and thoughts without edits. |
Acts Mod
Posts: 3530
6/28/08 2:28 pm
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COG girl |
Hello Church!
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Excellence is not a skill, it's an attitude.
www.eGotIt.net |
Friendly Face
Posts: 205
6/28/08 5:58 pm
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COG girl |
that's some good preaching if I do say so myself. (Real arrogance)
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Excellence is not a skill, it's an attitude.
www.eGotIt.net |
Friendly Face
Posts: 205
6/28/08 6:00 pm
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| Ending EVERY sentence with a loud |
String Bender55 |
GRUNT I.E.
Shake that tree again honey! HuuuH!
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Bend them strings, make em sing, Bend em don't break them. Play that funky Jesus music White boy! |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5681
6/28/08 6:05 pm
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2ndgeneration |
"Now if the President of the United States walked in here, ya'll would all be up clapping and showing him honor... Well, I tell ya the greatest of all royality, the highest of all, leaders, the greatest of all men, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords is in this place right now. Why don't ya stand up and give Him some praise!!!"
and everyone commences to do just that  |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1338
6/28/08 9:44 pm
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StephenHoell |
| 2ndgeneration wrote: | "Now if the President of the United States walked in here, ya'll would all be up clapping and showing him honor... Well, I tell ya the greatest of all royality, the highest of all, leaders, the greatest of all men, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords is in this place right now. Why don't ya stand up and give Him some praise!!!"
and everyone commences to do just that |
Is that not true? What's the problen with that?
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What if you could do anything for God, and knew it was impossible to fail? What's stopping you? |
Hey, DOC
Posts: 92
6/28/08 10:37 pm
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Link |
Saying 'Bless God' in a tone of voice that makes it sound like a cuss word.
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Link |
Acts-perienced Poster
Posts: 11849
6/28/08 11:10 pm
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2ndgeneration |
| StephenHoell wrote: | | 2ndgeneration wrote: | "Now if the President of the United States walked in here, ya'll would all be up clapping and showing him honor... Well, I tell ya the greatest of all royality, the highest of all, leaders, the greatest of all men, the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords is in this place right now. Why don't ya stand up and give Him some praise!!!"
and everyone commences to do just that |
Is that not true? What's the problen with that? |
Its true but way overdone. I once heard 3 different preachers use it in the span of less that 48 hours.
It gets annoying and loses luster if you use it too often and most of the time, it's used to just get people hyped up.
I've used it myself, just so you know. |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1338
6/28/08 11:47 pm
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The CoG Bullet |
another old one along that line...
You go to a (we say Georgia Bulldogs, insert your team) game and you scream your head off...and you come to church and you get just as quiet...won't even praise God!
ohhhhh that one is old.
LOL
Bullet
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Shootin em' straight,
Groupin em' tight-
The CoG Bullet |
Acts-celerater
Posts: 983
6/29/08 10:00 am
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| Re: Ending EVERY sentence with a loud |
The CoG Bullet |
| String Bender55 wrote: | GRUNT I.E.
Shake that tree again honey! HuuuH! |
a preacher has NO business using the word "honey"...in that way...
"Honey, I'm hear to tell you, bless gawd, that gawd didn't make Adam and Steve, he made Adam and Eve!"
If only they understood how much of a wall that throws up.
Bullet
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Shootin em' straight,
Groupin em' tight-
The CoG Bullet |
Acts-celerater
Posts: 983
6/29/08 10:02 am
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| oh lets see???? |
Joe Nail |
bless Gawd you know i'm right.
do not forget to snort on the inhale between sentences.
wipe you nose and mouth with a handkerchief the put it back in your pocket. that stuff is good later.
preacher you done quit preachin and gone to medlin.
i was gonna preach real hard on the ten commandments the week my bicycle got stolen. so i did. really gona lower the boom on "thou shall not steal" but when i went over "Thou shall not commit adultery." i remembered where i left my bike.
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all that counts is your faith showing itself in love. |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1904
6/29/08 1:18 pm
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Redneck |
This is an awesome thread!!
You guys are killing me!!
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That haircut of yorn may be citified, but your heart was shaped in a bowl.....................Briscoe Darling |
Acts-celerater
Posts: 664
6/29/08 4:30 pm
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| Stand to your feet Saints... |
Layperson |
| Theologically correct perhaps, but I don't consider myself a saint. |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1747
6/29/08 4:54 pm
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| well in the black church.. |
jonbrown999 |
Giving honor to God who's the head of my life, to the pastor (bishop... minister..) and all the saints....
Thank God I am saved, sanctified, fill with the precious Holy Ghost and wid a mind made up to go on and see what the end gonna be!
slap yo neighbor and say... "Gawds got a blessin' for you."
"I'm a traveling preacher but i can't preach to a traveling congregation..." when too many people are up and down to the bathroom... or whatever...
and the singing/rapping preaching... with the Hammond organ giving sound effects and "backing up the preacher."
NO WAIT!!! that's actually pretty good!
jb- used to like to hear AA Allen say "Gawd" and Shambach say "you don't have no problem... all you need is faith in Goooddddd!"
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"The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor." - Vince Lombardi |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1056
6/29/08 5:21 pm
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| Re: well in the black church.. |
String Bender55 |
| jonbrown999 wrote: | Giving honor to God who's the head of my life, to the pastor (bishop... minister..) and all the saints....
Thank God I am saved, sanctified, fill with the precious Holy Ghost and wid a mind made up to go on and see what the end gonna be!
slap yo neighbor and say... "Gawds got a blessin' for you."
"I'm a traveling preacher but i can't preach to a traveling congregation..." when too many people are up and down to the bathroom... or whatever...
and the singing/rapping preaching... with the Hammond organ giving sound effects and "backing up the preacher."
NO WAIT!!! that's actually pretty good!
jb- used to like to hear AA Allen say "Gawd" and Shambach say "you don't have no problem... all you need is faith in Goooddddd!" |
Thanks for a lil bit of soul Bro! Good to hear from ya again!
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Bend them strings, make em sing, Bend em don't break them. Play that funky Jesus music White boy! |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5681
6/29/08 5:24 pm
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RaceForTheCure |
One of the top 10 2008 threads. I have laughed my head off. You can tell we have that pentecostal heritage because every time I thought of a preacherism to post someone else posted it.
I am laughing my brains out and my spirit is lifted! Here's the only other one I could think of right off the bat.
"Can I get a hand clap of praise?"
...............just one? Isn't is usually several?
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I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me
Get to know me and my wonderful family.
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http://www.picasaweb.google.com/facesofwls |
Acts Mod
Posts: 2135
6/29/08 8:48 pm
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mytimewillcome |
My least 2 favorites:
"Thats such good preaching I'm gonna give myself an offering" --then proceeds to whip out his wallet
also..
"Ya'll don't shout me down when I'm preaching good" --Huh? What does that mean exactly |
Golf Cart Mafia Underboss
Posts: 3658
6/30/08 8:37 am
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youngleader |
This stuff may be funny in a way...
But to me, it's sad.. These are most of the reasons people hate church. The pastor learned his cues from a circus conductor.
Is that what we do in Pentecostal churches? Run a circus?
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http://brandonbryanbowers.blogspot.com |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1499
6/30/08 8:49 am
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