Actscelerate.com Forum Index Actscelerate.com
Open Any Time -- Day or Night
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 
@actscelerate Twitter  @actscelerate Facebook  @actscelerate Google+ 

I am divorcing my wife
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next
 
   Actscelerate.com Forum Index -> Hot Discussions Post new topic   Reply to topic
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Message Author
Post TheBeebs
Quote:
Speaking as a layperson who has never been in the ministry.

I am praying for you. None of us know what you've been through. None of us are in a position to judge you. Only you know if divorce is the solution.

I know you need support and I am lifting you up in prayer and am sorry for your situation.


What she said.
_________________
"Dance like there's nobody watching!"
Supreme Commander
Posts: 2558
8/8/07 5:14 pm


View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
Reply with quote
Post Great advice from Nugene Larry Wiley
Quote:
With such life-changing and life-affecting ( the children and you) circumstances about to take place, your "ministry" should be of little importance. We're talking about occurrences that will affect people for the rest of their lives. Whether or not you can keep a credential is a small matter compared to that.


My dear brother, Nugene is right. Family always comes before your church. If the church has anything to do with this, resign. Take some time to minister to your family, no one not even all of your church is more important than your family.

Strange you posted this today. I received a phone call yesterday from a former AB who is divorced. One of my best friends, a former State leader whom I also talked to yesterday is divorced. One of these men is remarried one is not. One is pastoring the other is evangelizing.

If there is no way out of this, God can and will still use you.

God had mercy on this sinner boy 38 years ago today and gave me a wonderful wife. She and I will pray for you and your family.
_________________
Larry Wiley
Acts Mod
Posts: 5298
8/8/07 6:36 pm


View user's profile Send private message
Reply with quote
Post My Brother... COG Conspiracy Theorist
...I have prayed for you and will continue to do so. My wife and I have been married a very long time and have faced just about all that I can imagine that can be faced by a couple. By the Father's grace we have made it and are more in love today than we have ever been. I pray the same sort of healing for you.

I STRONGLY encourage you (and your wife, if she will go) to see a Christian counselor right away. If you wish to Inbox me and share what area of the nation you are in, I'll let you know if I may know someone who can help. If you're in the right part of the southeast, I know someone who's relative is a licensed pastoral counselor. He and his wife pastor and do a lot of marital counseling. I understand they are very good at it! Maybe they can help, maybe not.

And please, do NOT reveal your identity to me. It isn't necessary.
_________________
Don't Say I Didn't Tell You So!
Friendly Face
Posts: 334
8/8/07 6:45 pm


View user's profile Send private message
Reply with quote
Post Help4 Nature Boy Florida
Very sorry to hear of your situation.

If you have kids, please know that this lady will be a major part of your life at least until the kids are 18. If you leave without trying a legitimate Christian family counselor - degreed in counseling, etc... - I promise you will regret it.

You owe it to your kids to try - even if you don't owe it to God.

I know it has been years and resentment has apparently built up over wrongs that have occurred. True enough, your marriage will never be perfect like you planned - too late for that. However, neither will your next one since you have already been married, had kids, etc... Might as well fix this one, if possible.

Also, get your wife and yourself to have a full health screening to see if hormones and other levels are within appropriate levels. Sometimes if those things get corrected, and everyone is healthy, the counseling can be much more effective.

You make the call on staying in ministry. If you put this thing together, it can be a great time of ministry and testimony for the whole church.

I am praying for you.
_________________
Whether you like it or not, learn to love it, because its the best thing going today!
Acts-pert Poster
Posts: 16140
8/8/07 8:11 pm


View user's profile Send private message
Reply with quote
Post Maybe I can help Truman Smith
The rule a few years ago was that it HAD to be stated in the divorce that the divorce was for ADULTERY or FORNICATION. If the divorce was for any other reason one could not retain his licenses. Now that may not be the situation now . I would ask a sitting AB or call the General Hdq. and talk to the center that deals with ministers that need some guidance in this kind of situation . The name of that program escapes me at this moment . I too will be praying for you .God Bless . T Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1073
8/8/07 8:51 pm


View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Yahoo Messenger
Reply with quote
Post Good Source to Call is... (LINK) Rick D Sexton
Dr. Bill Leonard.
He is a man of integrity, and will be able to help you process through it all. He deals with this stuff all the time. He knows how to keep confidences, and is a very spiritual and smart man.

http://www.cogcmc.org/home.html
_________________
Blessings! Rick

www.facebook.com/rick.sexton
Friendly Face
Posts: 303
8/8/07 9:22 pm


View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail Visit poster's website AIM Address
Reply with quote
Post I'm praying for you JLA777
I just want you to know that I have been praying for you and your family on and off through out the evening and I will continue to pray.
_________________
Joany

May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen! Philemon 1:25

https://www.facebook.com/joanylouise


Last edited by JLA777 on 8/8/07 10:12 pm; edited 1 time in total
Golf Cart Mafia Capo
Posts: 2624
8/8/07 9:22 pm


View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Reply with quote
Post Memory03
l know this is more common sense than spiritual... but this old saying holds true... "it's cheaper to keep her"...
_________________
Be Blessed!
Memory03
8233 post at the original Acts Board...

Real Men get their haircut in a Barber Shop... The rest go to beauty parlors...
01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011
Posts: 21953
8/8/07 9:43 pm


View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Reply with quote
Post Help4ABishop
I want to touch on a few things.

First, there is absolutely no physical abuse in our home. Not me towards my wife, or my wife towards me. There is no infidelity in either party. I cannot state the particulars, but I believe my wife is mentally ill. I have been unsuccessful in getting her to go to counseling or to get any type of treatment. She saw a psychiatrist for the first time yesterday. She is already on anti-anxiety medication, and antidepressants. She has struggled with a closeted alcohol addiction. This is under control at this time. However, there are other addictive tendencies and behaviors. Iím weary of it. I cannot continue.

I am depressed as well. I realize this.

The harm we are doing to our children is in displaying to them an unhealthy marriage, and presenting this as their example for their future spouses.

I would love to leave the ministry. Unfortunately, I would be starting over as a middle-aged man. I have no other way to make a living. How do I support a family, or survive myself without an income?

This isnít something I bargained for, or asked for. I didnít marry my wife to divorce her. I married for love. I still love her, and yet, itís so distorted, I donít know that I can ever get it back. I donít know if my level of trust can ever be restored.

After an intense talk with her today, I have given this thing one year. One year for her to get help, and for us to turn this thing around. Trust me when I say, the church is not at all affected by our home issues. We give our very best to the ministry. Ministry is the one thing we do right. Is that dysfunctional? You bet. Itís easy to say, ďQuit.Ē You try living without an income. Not an easy thing to do.

Thanks for so much advice, and prayer. I never expected such an outpouring. Prayer is the big thing right now.

If there is some Church of God Official out there, please take note of this. There are hurting ministers and broken ministries out there. Handicapped pastors will build handicapped churches. I know I am broken. I have to put myself together every Sunday, only to fall apart again on Monday. I canít afford to do it any differently.

I appreciate every response.
Newbie
Posts: 4
8/8/07 10:06 pm


View user's profile Send private message
Reply with quote
Post RaceForTheCure
Quote:
I would love to leave the ministry.


Speaking again as a lay person - this is the most telling statement of all. I would be concerned if my shepherd "would love the leave the ministry" that I support and that feeds me.

It seems obvious that you need to focus on your family and your children. Again, I do not presume to know you or judge your situation. Only you know what is best for you and I am one of those odd ducks that believe there are times when divorce is the only option so I choose not to choose sides or figure out who's right or wrong.

Surely there are positions in corporate America that use ministerial skills. God can still use you and bless you and keep you even if you are led to leave the ministry.

For what it's worth - I started an etirely new career at age 41 and I've been very successful. Don't sell yourself short and don't doubt God's umbrella of protection.
_________________
I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me
Get to know me and my wonderful family.
Rona
http://www.picasaweb.google.com/facesofwls
Acts Mod
Posts: 2135
8/8/07 10:37 pm


View user's profile Send private message
Reply with quote
Post Been there He Came To Me
Let me share from a perspective of both being an ordained bishop and a divorcee. If there is any way possible, DON"T DO IT!

I committed adultery, resigned, turned my license in and left the church. Prior to my adultery my wife had been unfaithful on more than one occasion. I had always been forgiving and we stayed married. However when I started another relationship, I did not want to work it out. I had numerous opportunities to work it out and much support from friends, family and fellow ministers. I chose to ignore it because I had my mind set on what I wanted.

I remarried later and I love my wife. We have a good home, God has given us MUCH grace, provided us with opportunities to minister and be active in the church. However, there is no way I can tell you the price that comes with the actions you are considering.

There is a cost for everything you do in life. Divorce most often comes with a cost that you never expected to pay. Some people will never forgive you. Other people will try to forgive but never forget. Some people just never forgive. The greatest loss for me was my relationships. As is always the case, some people chose sides. Some took her's others took mine. However the majority did not want to choose sides so they chose neither of us. That was the easy choice for them. For months and even several years, my friendships were limited.

No matter what your situation, it will negatively affect your children. They will hurt more than they do now with your problems. Divorce makes them feel like they have to choose sides. Children should never be placed in that situation. The positive impact you could have by showing the healing power of spiritual parents would be enormous for them.

If will affect your spiritual life. First, there would be very limited cases where I would think it would be God's will for someone to divorce. Note I did not say He would not forgive or accept, I just said His will. That being said, it causes strain in our relationship with Him when we fail to do His will. As a friend told me before I got a divorce "I am not telling you that you can't do it and get right with God. I am telling you that to do it you will have to walk so far from God that the walk back will be long and difficult." I have remembered that statement many days as I began the road back to spiritual wholeness. Further, as a single man you will be faced with temptations more than ever and situations that are not healthy.

Last, God forgives and forgets. People rarely do. It is an issue in ministry that you will always have to deal with. No matter what the COG Minutes say, everyone has their own opinion. Further, it will affect your ability to lead. There is no way around it.

I am praying for you. My heart was broken to read your post. I trust you will realize it is a decision that will affect you for a lifetime. Just remember, nothing is impossible with God.
Friendly Face
Posts: 120
8/9/07 5:58 am


View user's profile Send private message
Reply with quote
Post Nightsky4
Is divorce a sin? Watermelon Assassin
Posts: 640
8/9/07 8:11 am


View user's profile Send private message
Reply with quote
Post Rev Rick
Help4ABishop wrote:
I want to touch on a few things.

First, there is absolutely no physical abuse in our home. Not me towards my wife, or my wife towards me. There is no infidelity in either party. I cannot state the particulars, but I believe my wife is mentally ill. I have been unsuccessful in getting her to go to counseling or to get any type of treatment. She saw a psychiatrist for the first time yesterday. She is already on anti-anxiety medication, and antidepressants. She has struggled with a closeted alcohol addiction. This is under control at this time. However, there are other addictive tendencies and behaviors. Iím weary of it. I cannot continue.

I am depressed as well. I realize this.

The harm we are doing to our children is in displaying to them an unhealthy marriage, and presenting this as their example for their future spouses.

I would love to leave the ministry. [color=yellow]Unfortunately, I would be starting over as a middle-aged man. I have no other way to make a living. How do I support a family, or survive myself without an income?[/color]This isnít something I bargained for, or asked for. I didnít marry my wife to divorce her. I married for love. I still love her, and yet, itís so distorted, I donít know that I can ever get it back. I donít know if my level of trust can ever be restored.

After an intense talk with her today, I have given this thing one year. One year for her to get help, and for us to turn this thing around. Trust me when I say, the church is not at all affected by our home issues. We give our very best to the ministry. Ministry is the one thing we do right. Is that dysfunctional? You bet. Itís easy to say, ďQuit.Ē You try living without an income. Not an easy thing to do.

Thanks for so much advice, and prayer. I never expected such an outpouring. Prayer is the big thing right now.

If there is some Church of God Official out there, please take note of this. There are hurting ministers and broken ministries out there. Handicapped pastors will build handicapped churches. I know I am broken. I have to put myself together every Sunday, only to fall apart again on Monday. I canít afford to do it any differently.

I appreciate every response.


Income is a reason not to stay? Your family is suffering (take care of home) Your chuch is suffering(handicaped). Your children are suffering,You are suffering. Healing needs to start today at home!! we love you and all available.
_________________
Rev Rick in the Zoo (RETIRED)

////////////[}Sword of the Spirit
@#####{ ]:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>
\\\\\\\\\\\\[}Use it daily!
Friendly Face
Posts: 159
8/9/07 8:39 am


View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Reply with quote
Post Help4... prefontaine
I understand your position of not thinking you can afford to leave the ministry. Let me say, God will provide. If you do what is right by Him, and you decide you are going to sick with your wife "in sickness and in health", and if that means taking a time away from ministry, then God will provide for you. He is our father - and he owns the cattle on a thousand hills - trust me, he can see to it that your bills are paid, and that your family eats.
He Came to Me is absolutely right, there is a lot of hurt attached to this decision. I have been involved in a similar situation. The people that I know who have gone through this are more happily married than they have ever been. They went through times of utter despair, but God brought them through it. I don't understand the idea that you know it is wrong without infidelity, but you are considering it based on God's forgiveness afterward. I'm not 100%, but it sounds like you would be taking advantage of God's grace - at best.
I will continue to pray for you, brother. Like I said, I have seen a similar situation very close up, and I do have a heart to see marriages restored and succeed.
_________________


clintwills.blogspot.com
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5103
8/9/07 9:43 am


View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Reply with quote
Post ActsBishop
hey,
I want you to know that I am praying for you my friend. Also don't call Bill Leonard at Ministerial Care if you want to keep this situation private.

Blessings!
_________________
ďEven now, Jesus has a miracle for you! Even now, Heís a shelter from the storm youíre going through! DONíT GIVE UP, DONíT BE DISCOURAGED, DONíT EVEN BE AFRAID, FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS HERE RIGHT NOW, TO MAKE A WAY!Ē
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1285
8/9/07 9:48 am


View user's profile Send private message
Reply with quote
Post the link will take you to a service.... Joe Nail
[url]http://www.cogcmc.org/home.html

the church provides for pastors or ministers in your situation. Sad[/url]
_________________
all that counts is your faith showing itself in love.
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1904
8/9/07 9:59 am


View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Reply with quote
Post ActsBishop
click the link and call the number only if you want a call from your AB within 24hrs.
_________________
ďEven now, Jesus has a miracle for you! Even now, Heís a shelter from the storm youíre going through! DONíT GIVE UP, DONíT BE DISCOURAGED, DONíT EVEN BE AFRAID, FOR THE LORD YOUR GOD IS HERE RIGHT NOW, TO MAKE A WAY!Ē
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1285
8/9/07 10:18 am


View user's profile Send private message
Reply with quote
Post If an AB is worth his salt... prefontaine
He will love and nurture you and your family. Granted, he may ask you to take a sabbatical, but I think that's a good idea too, so I can't knock that too much. It is OK to talk to your superiors about it - when it comes tot he health of a church, it is their business. I think most, and maybe I am wrong, Ab's would love you and do what they feel is best for you, your family, and your church - hopefully in that order. Our AB up here is great at being a shepherd to the ministers of this state, and that is what AB's are there for...to help you and do the things for you that you do for your congregation.
_________________


clintwills.blogspot.com
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5103
8/9/07 11:55 am


View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Reply with quote
Post punderwood
Quote:
If an AB is worth his salt...He will love and nurture you and your family. Granted, he may ask you to take a sabbatical, but I think that's a good idea too, so I can't knock that too much.


who is going to underwrite his salary?

some denominations, or local churches, will take care of a person in crisis. i do not think that is the way in our organization, is it?
_________________
Phil Underwood
www.philunderwood.com
404 790 9595
epiK

experience
participate
imagine.... God's
KINGDOM
Acts-celerater
Posts: 598
8/9/07 5:30 pm


View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Reply with quote
Post Why... prefontaine
Why do we need someone to underwrite his salary?? Get a job. If he does divorce and it becomes public knowledge, he will likely be asked to step down for a time then, and he'd have to get a job. Some sort of system to underwrite his salary may be suitable, but IMHO when it comes to saving your marriage, getting a job outside of ministry seems a small price to pay.
_________________


clintwills.blogspot.com
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5103
8/9/07 6:23 pm


View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Reply with quote
Display posts from previous:   
Actscelerate.com Forum Index -> Hot Discussions Post new topic   Reply to topic
All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next
Page 2 of 4

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum




Acts-celerate Terms of Use | Acts-celerate Policy
World News Network | Acts-celerate Chat
Contact the Administrator.


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group :: Spelling by SpellingCow.