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 Why is it considered taboo? |
Darrell Garrett |
I've never understood why pastors are so paranoid about someone visiting their members. I get it if someone is literally trying to take people from your church. That's a matter of ethics. But having lunch with someone or stopping by to check on someone you are concerned about... what's the issue? Two examples that occurred in my own life recently. I had heard that a man I know had been not attending church regularly in recent months and I had heard reports of "old habits" been seen in his life. I've known the man for years and was passing by his business on my way elsewhere, so I stopped by just to have a word with him and let him know I was concerned and encourage him to deal with what was going on in his life. In no way did I even come close to mentioning or suggesting he leave his church nor come to mine. But within 12 hours it was all over the place that I was trying to tear apart other church. That talk has now upset my friend to the point that he is ready to leave his church because of false attacks on me. The second example involves the church where I had previously pastored for more than 15 years. One family who I am particularly close to had the wife in the ER in very serious shape. The husband called me from the ER, very shaken and I asked him if he would like for me to come over to be with him. He said he would if it was not too much of a bother. I still live in that town, even though my new church is 55 miles away, so I went to be with my friend and his family. They were all so appreciative of my coming and I stayed with them for several hours until his wife was admitted. During that visit, several times I turned the conversation back toward their church and new pastor and suggested they call him and was told they would contact him the next day, but that they really were so glad that I could be there because I meant so much to them. By the next morning... the word was around that I was usurping the authority of the new pastor. (Let me be clear, I've not heard a word from the pastor, only people in town.)
I really don't get it. Why do so many act like love, compassion, and concern stops at the membership list? The rivalry and pettiness need to stop. Again, if it was that I was trying to "steal sheep" I get it, but paranoia runs deep.
You all know that what I'm saying is not an isolated thing. This junk has happened for years and people freak out if they hear that their members were associating with people from another church. How did we cultivate such foolishness?
Last edited by Darrell Garrett on 9/1/19 10:14 pm; edited 2 times in total |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5329
8/30/19 11:04 am
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Resident Skeptic |
I remember once an associate minister at a church I once attended became a pastor of a church in another city about an hour away. One day my job took me through that town, so I thought I'd drop by the church to see how this man was doing. As I pulled up to the church, the pastor and his wife were out front doing yard work. I smiled and waved, but noticed immediately how puzzled and shocked they looked to see me. Without even properly greeting me, he blurted out, "Does your pastor know you are here? We don't want problems." Completely taken back by this I replied, "I don't need my pastor's permission to come check on my brother-in-the Lord and to wish him well in his new endeavor". Made me want to puke.
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"It is doubtful if any Trinitarian Pentecostals have ever professed to believe in three gods, and Oneness Pentecostals should not claim that they do." - Daniel Segraves UPCI |
Acts-dicted
Posts: 8065
8/30/19 11:43 am
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| Darrell... |
Aaron Scott |
YOU know you intentions, and they are honorable. But others don't. Now, if you were retired or pastoring in city 200 miles away, where there was virtually no danger of you attempting to poach members, it might not be a thing. But with you an active minister, perhaps close enough to persuade someone to make the drive, AND WITH THE INSECURITY THAT SOME PASTORS FEEL...
and with the bad guys who HAVE abused other pastors by indeed trying to poach...
It's no wonder that pastors can feel threatened.
IDEALLY, with you in such a situation, it would be thoughtful of you, I think, to give the pastor a head's up, at least. Or ask to join with him in visitation, etc. You might make a new friend, as well as avoid later drama.
Just my thoughts. You didn't do anything wrong, but that's never stopped people from being offended before.... |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 6032
8/30/19 9:22 pm
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| My opinion? |
roughridercog |
Do what you want. If you want to visit someone, do it. The only persons who will get aggravated will be insecure people.
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Doctor of Bovinamodulation |
Acts Mod
Posts: 25306
8/31/19 7:29 am
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Change Agent |
If you feel like God wants you to visit someone, are you going to listen to Him or those folks around town? Seem like a no brainer to me.
Folks around town need to get over gossiping. |
Acts Enthusiast
Posts: 1449
8/31/19 9:33 am
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| Re: Darrell... |
Darrell Garrett |
| Aaron Scott wrote: | YOU know you intentions, and they are honorable. But others don't. Now, if you were retired or pastoring in city 200 miles away, where there was virtually no danger of you attempting to poach members, it might not be a thing. But with you an active minister, perhaps close enough to persuade someone to make the drive, AND WITH THE INSECURITY THAT SOME PASTORS FEEL...
and with the bad guys who HAVE abused other pastors by indeed trying to poach...
It's no wonder that pastors can feel threatened.
IDEALLY, with you in such a situation, it would be thoughtful of you, I think, to give the pastor a head's up, at least. Or ask to join with him in visitation, etc. You might make a new friend, as well as avoid later drama.
Just my thoughts. You didn't do anything wrong, but that's never stopped people from being offended before.... |
You actually just made my point. I've been friends with these people LONG before their pastors were ever heard of, and that friendship breeds care and compassion. The notion that I need to get someone's permission or blessing before I minister to them is just carnal and the devil uses that to divide... .and guess who he uses? The carnal minded pastor. |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5329
8/31/19 10:22 am
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Carolyn Smith |
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FLRon |
It'll be a cold day in Albuquerque before I ever seek the permission or blessing of any pastor to visit someone in their church. If some asks me to visit them or if I just feel like doing it that's all I need.
Some pastors really need to get over themselves. If they're that paranoid or insecure they are in the wrong profession.
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“Hell will be filled with people that didn’t cuss, didn’t drink, and may even have been baptized. Why? Because none of those things makes someone a Christian.”
Voddie Baucham |
Acts-celerater
Posts: 767
8/31/19 1:15 pm
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Cojak |
Insecurity will ALWAYS exist. It is easy to say 'ignore it,' but it is hard to do when it slaps you in the face once or twice.
I think Carolyn hit it on the head, FRIENDSHIP, what a wonderful thing. We all have friends, but then there are FRIENDS and they are close to family. There is always THAT family in every church that the pastor clicks with.
So of course there will be visits.
Yes at times things make one sick..... 
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http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ |
01000001 01100011 01110100 01110011
Posts: 24275
9/1/19 9:43 am
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| Re: Why is it considered taboo? |
Link |
The sheep belong to Jesus. Maybe the real sheep stealing occurs when pastors clam the Lord'ss sheep as their own and would therefore call other people's ministries sheep steeling.
Just to be on the safe side to prevent conflict you could contact these pastors soon after you make a visit to reassure them.
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Acts-perienced Poster
Posts: 11849
9/22/19 11:36 am
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| Re: Darrell... |
Link |
| Aaron Scott wrote: | YOU know you intentions, and they are honorable. But others don't. Now, if you were retired or pastoring in city 200 miles away, where there was virtually no danger of you attempting to poach members, it might not be a thing. But with you an active minister, perhaps close enough to persuade someone to make the drive, AND WITH THE INSECURITY THAT SOME PASTORS FEEL...
and with the bad guys who HAVE abused other pastors by indeed trying to poach...
It's no wonder that pastors can feel threatened.
IDEALLY, with you in such a situation, it would be thoughtful of you, I think, to give the pastor a head's up, at least. Or ask to join with him in visitation, etc. You might make a new friend, as well as avoid later drama.
Just my thoughts. You didn't do anything wrong, but that's never stopped people from being offended before.... |
Abused other pastors? Really?
A problem with the system is it has preachers livlihoods tied to the number of people there.
How much of Pentecostal growth has cone from drawing people from so-xalled 'dead churches' telling them they should be some place where the Holy Ghost moves? There has been a lot of new evangelism but a lot of Pentecostals used to go to other churches.
If someone is going to achurch where they jyst go hear sermons on hype, fluff' psychology, or jyst three 75% true sermons over and over again is it among to bring them somewhere to grow?
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Acts-perienced Poster
Posts: 11849
9/22/19 11:42 am
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