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 Work problems |
Carolyn Smith |
I would appreciate some advice re: my work situation. This has been going on for about a month now. In case you missed the earlier post about it, here's a synopsis:
My office mate at work is angry with me about several things and most everything I do annoys her, from venting about problems (which I stopped doing), humming, talking to myself, etc. This was exposed in the office when I was accused of leaving a simple task undone because "it was her turn." Supposedly, a comment I made was code for that.
She refused to accept my apology when I went to her, insisting her version was correct. There is much more to it, but she & her friend who works in a related office are pretty much ignoring me. We say good morning & good bye and sometimes she responds to comments I make, and sometimes she ignores me. I feel this is incredibly rude and unprofessional. Some days it doesn't bother me, some days it hurts my feelings, and some days, it just makes me mad.
I usually say something as I leave the office to indicate where I'm going so someone will know if I'm needed. I decided to avoid being ignored, I would just stop saying anything as I leave. This doesn't feel good or right to me to do this, but I've reached the point where I need to protect myself from participating in what's going on.
The bosses are involved but don't really want to get further into it, and I think it would only make things worse. I am not leaving my job and neither is she. We both have several years invested with this company.
My question is...where is the balance between turning the other cheek and being a good Christian and allowing yourself to be treated badly?
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5/4/19 1:54 pm
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| Re: Work problems |
THE LOVE OF GOD |
| Carolyn Smith wrote: | I would appreciate some advice re: my work situation. This has been going on for about a month now. In case you missed the earlier post about it, here's a synopsis:
My office mate at work is angry with me about several things and most everything I do annoys her, from venting about problems (which I stopped doing), humming, talking to myself, etc. This was exposed in the office when I was accused of leaving a simple task undone because "it was her turn." Supposedly, a comment I made was code for that.
She refused to accept my apology when I went to her, insisting her version was correct. There is much more to it, but she & her friend who works in a related office are pretty much ignoring me. We say good morning & good bye and sometimes she responds to comments I make, and sometimes she ignores me. I feel this is incredibly rude and unprofessional. Some days it doesn't bother me, some days it hurts my feelings, and some days, it just makes me mad.
I usually say something as I leave the office to indicate where I'm going so someone will know if I'm needed. I decided to avoid being ignored, I would just stop saying anything as I leave. This doesn't feel good or right to me to do this, but I've reached the point where I need to protect myself from participating in what's going on.
The bosses are involved but don't really want to get further into it, and I think it would only make things worse. I am not leaving my job and neither is she. We both have several years invested with this company.
My question is...where is the balance between turning the other cheek and being a good Christian and allowing yourself to be treated badly? |
Sis. I sent you a private message. |
Friendly Face
Posts: 387
5/4/19 4:21 pm
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Cojak |
I certainly have no solid advice, but I will pray that you find the right answer for your soul. Fortunately I have never been faced with the situation where the 'other dude' was in such close proximity. Yours is ONE of the toughies. Hang in there, there is an answer. (of course you know that!) All I can say is SMILE!
Love from here lady.
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5/4/19 7:40 pm
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| Meet their venom with humor |
roughridercog |
When you encounter it, just say, "That reminds me, I have to buy a duck."
They will forget their anger and spend the rest of the day wondering why you need a duck. And why what they were doing made you think of it.
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5/5/19 3:13 pm
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| Re: Meet their venom with humor |
Cojak |
| roughridercog wrote: | When you encounter it, just say, "That reminds me, I have to buy a duck."
They will forget their anger and spend the rest of the day wondering why you need a duck. And why what they were doing made you think of it. |
Not sure that will work, but I can see where I would use it........ 
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http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ |
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5/5/19 8:33 pm
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Carolyn Smith |
Thanks for the PMs and suggestions. I appreciate it.
I'm so tired of thinking about this! Doing my best to walk in forgiveness daily, but it is a challenge.
Not sure I'm brave enough to try the humor thing. She probably thinks I'm crazy already since I talk to myself.  But hey, if you're not gonna talk to me...
Things seem to go best if I just ask her something or try to act like nothing is wrong. But I don't take being ignored well, so I am going to try taking her out of the equation and not bother her unless I need to.
Believing God's grace is sufficient, and He will continue to give me wisdom and grace...keep those suggestions & prayers coming!
_________________
"More of Him...less of me."
http://twitter.com/camiracle77
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Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5923
5/5/19 9:53 pm
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| Carolyn, you have simply got to STOP... |
Aaron Scott |
cutting your toenails at work!
It is very hard to come back from this faux pas.
On the other hand...there is always the Ball Peen Hammer Approach to Conflict Resolution. |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 6042
5/6/19 7:43 am
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| Re: Carolyn, you have simply got to STOP... |
Carolyn Smith |
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Dave Dorsey |
| Carolyn, I have no answers for you, I just wanted to offer you my empathy and prayers. Going through an identical situation was one of the hardest things I have ever done. God did not quickly answer my prayers for its resolution. But He is faithful. One day it just ended, and now I love my job like never before. |
[Insert Acts Pun Here]
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5/7/19 6:59 am
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| Carolyn, in all seriousness... |
Aaron Scott |
My sister, you must take care to not allow HER problem to become yours. If she chooses that path, it is her great loss: She could have had a friend who is as steadfast, decent, and faithful as YOU. But she decided instead to play Mean Girl. Too bad, her loss.
Methinks thou art too beholden to her approval or disapproval. If you can get YOUR job done, focus on that. I would suggest that when you communicate, just communicate by email--no frills, just the facts, ma'am. No, "Your Friend" above your name (you get the idea).
This way, not only do you not have to undergo the trepidation of speaking with her, but you have a record (I would suggest some sort of "Message Opened Receipt)--one she doesn't have see or know about.) If she starts playing with YOUR job, you have the evidence.
It's OK for some folks to NOT be your friend--or even friendly. She is someone who may be a real trial for her significant other. Or she may be someone deserving of pity for all she has endured. But either way, SHE needs to be the one who fixes this up--you've done what you can do. She decided to opt for bitterness instead of betterment.
And if she never comes around, then--here's a saying I really like--"Learn to Accept the Apology You Never Received."
Methinks thine angst is overmuch. Get out of the stew and concern. Let her be the one that deals with the consequences of having alienated someone like you...who could have been such a very good friend. |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
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5/7/19 7:13 am
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Nature Boy Florida |
| Carolyn Smith wrote: | | But I don't take being ignored well |
Carolyn,
I'm just not a good person to ask about this - because I have no concept of this being a problem.
If they ignore me - I can easily ignore them - and since it keeps me from having to make small talk with them - I get my work done faster. And - I don't have to feel bad about hurting their feelings - since they are the ones trying to inflict damage. To the Nature Boy - its a win-win.
I pray you can smile as you quickly walk by this person - and never give it another thought.
But if not - I pray this chump gets fired posthaste.
NBF
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Whether you like it or not, learn to love it, because its the best thing going today! |
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Posts: 16646
5/7/19 7:42 am
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Carolyn Smith |
| Dave Dorsey wrote: | | Carolyn, I have no answers for you, I just wanted to offer you my empathy and prayers. Going through an identical situation was one of the hardest things I have ever done. God did not quickly answer my prayers for its resolution. But He is faithful. One day it just ended, and now I love my job like never before. |
Thanks. I know folks like this don't tend to change. I am trusting God to intervene at some point! But it IS hard.
_________________
"More of Him...less of me."
http://twitter.com/camiracle77
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=691241499&ref=name |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5923
5/7/19 9:58 pm
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| Re: Carolyn, in all seriousness... |
Carolyn Smith |
| Aaron Scott wrote: | My sister, you must take care to not allow HER problem to become yours. If she chooses that path, it is her great loss: She could have had a friend who is as steadfast, decent, and faithful as YOU. But she decided instead to play Mean Girl. Too bad, her loss.
Methinks thou art too beholden to her approval or disapproval. If you can get YOUR job done, focus on that. I would suggest that when you communicate, just communicate by email--no frills, just the facts, ma'am. No, "Your Friend" above your name (you get the idea).
This way, not only do you not have to undergo the trepidation of speaking with her, but you have a record (I would suggest some sort of "Message Opened Receipt)--one she doesn't have see or know about.) If she starts playing with YOUR job, you have the evidence.
It's OK for some folks to NOT be your friend--or even friendly. She is someone who may be a real trial for her significant other. Or she may be someone deserving of pity for all she has endured. But either way, SHE needs to be the one who fixes this up--you've done what you can do. She decided to opt for bitterness instead of betterment.
And if she never comes around, then--here's a saying I really like--"Learn to Accept the Apology You Never Received."
Methinks thine angst is overmuch. Get out of the stew and concern. Let her be the one that deals with the consequences of having alienated someone like you...who could have been such a very good friend. |
It really is not about her approval or disapproval. I am not used to people refusing my apology or basically calling me a liar to my face. I went into that discussion seeking peace, not escalating a battle.
I get that she doesn't want to be my friend. But the 8 hour wall of silence just gets on my nerves after a while. Thank God for headsets and worship music!
_________________
"More of Him...less of me."
http://twitter.com/camiracle77
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=691241499&ref=name |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5923
5/7/19 10:06 pm
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Carolyn Smith |
| Nature Boy Florida wrote: | | Carolyn Smith wrote: | | But I don't take being ignored well |
Carolyn,
I'm just not a good person to ask about this - because I have no concept of this being a problem.
If they ignore me - I can easily ignore them - and since it keeps me from having to make small talk with them - I get my work done faster. And - I don't have to feel bad about hurting their feelings - since they are the ones trying to inflict damage. To the Nature Boy - its a win-win.
I pray you can smile as you quickly walk by this person - and never give it another thought.
But if not - I pray this chump gets fired posthaste.
NBF |
I guess on the one hand, it would be nice to be like that, but that's just not how I'm built. I don't know if it is a female thing or what.
I realize I have some rejection issues in my life, and I'm working on them with my counselor. When this first started, I went round & round in my head, trying to decide if something was really going on or if it was my imagination because of rejection issues in the past. I've often said, "I can take a lot of things, but being ignored is not one of them."
I have come light years in my growth through the years as far as self-esteem & respecting myself enough not to be walked on. But confrontation is not easy for me. I can do it in normal situations - "Hey, have I done something to upset you?" but this has gone far beyond that. Talking about it doesn't seem to be something that will really help at this point.
I worked for 9 years with a boss I didn't get along with. I know it wasn't all her, but I think we both grew as a result of working together. It was difficult, but God wouldn't let me leave. She finally left, which was a huge relief. Another new boss higher up the ladder eventually followed who disliked me on sight, and I never could do anything to please him, no matter how hard I worked.
I have a son I haven't seen or talked to in 9 years, who refuses to communicate with me in any way. This is by far the worst rejection I've experienced, and I can't do a thing to change it except pray. (So I pray and hope and believe....God is faithful!)
There must be something here I need to learn from this. It is not okay to treat me this way. What I am trying at this point is not participating in the game.
I picked up a book by TD Jakes this week at the store and glanced at it, and it said something to the effect of, "If you're going through a trial, just remember God is not punishing you - He's pruning you." That has helped, but both are painful.
Thanks for your thoughts & prayers. I appreciate it!
_________________
"More of Him...less of me."
http://twitter.com/camiracle77
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Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5923
5/7/19 10:27 pm
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georgiapath |
| Carolyn Smith wrote: | Thanks for the PMs and suggestions. I appreciate it.
I'm so tired of thinking about this! Doing my best to walk in forgiveness daily, but it is a challenge.
Not sure I'm brave enough to try the humor thing. She probably thinks I'm crazy already since I talk to myself. But hey, if you're not gonna talk to me...
Things seem to go best if I just ask her something or try to act like nothing is wrong. But I don't take being ignored well, so I am going to try taking her out of the equation and not bother her unless I need to.
Believing God's grace is sufficient, and He will continue to give me wisdom and grace...keep those suggestions & prayers coming! |
Laugh and say, "I like to talk to somebody with some sense for a change" |
Acts-dicted
Posts: 7604
5/9/19 8:13 am
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Carolyn Smith |
| georgiapath wrote: | | Carolyn Smith wrote: | Thanks for the PMs and suggestions. I appreciate it.
I'm so tired of thinking about this! Doing my best to walk in forgiveness daily, but it is a challenge.
Not sure I'm brave enough to try the humor thing. She probably thinks I'm crazy already since I talk to myself. But hey, if you're not gonna talk to me...
Things seem to go best if I just ask her something or try to act like nothing is wrong. But I don't take being ignored well, so I am going to try taking her out of the equation and not bother her unless I need to.
Believing God's grace is sufficient, and He will continue to give me wisdom and grace...keep those suggestions & prayers coming! |
Laugh and say, "I like to talk to somebody with some sense for a change" |
Perry Stone said that once his (then) little boy caught him talking to himself and asked him why he was talking to himself. He said, "Sometimes I just like to talk to a good man." Hahahaha
I never knew I talked to myself until I started sharing an office with others. I don't have any idea how to stop doing that, so she is just going to have to deal with it. #sorrynotsorry
_________________
"More of Him...less of me."
http://twitter.com/camiracle77
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=691241499&ref=name |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5923
5/11/19 11:43 am
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Cojak |
Carolyn you are special lady. I just wanted to thank you for the thoughtful post concerning BB. I am so glad you did that. Go ahead and talk to yourself, life isn't supposed to be so cut and dried.
At our ages here at home, we know at best our time is short. If the Lord doesn't come before one of us will be left, just like BB. I plan to cherish this time. I will advise you to do the same. In comparison the problems you have lived thru with yours and especially your hubby's physical challenges, your office situation will dim. God is good.
I just wanted to say THANKS!
Love you lady!
_________________
Some facts but mostly just my opinion!
jacsher@aol.com
http://shipslog-jack.blogspot.com/ |
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Posts: 24285
5/11/19 8:16 pm
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Carolyn Smith |
| Cojak wrote: | Carolyn you are special lady. I just wanted to thank you for the thoughtful post concerning BB. I am so glad you did that. Go ahead and talk to yourself, life isn't supposed to be so cut and dried.
At our ages here at home, we know at best our time is short. If the Lord doesn't come before one of us will be left, just like BB. I plan to cherish this time. I will advise you to do the same. In comparison the problems you have lived thru with yours and especially your hubby's physical challenges, your office situation will dim. God is good.
I just wanted to say THANKS!
Love you lady! |
You're welcome, Cojak! I agree, life is too short to hold grudges! I am praying God will move on her heart.
None of us are promised tomorrow, and when it's our time, we will go to be with the Lord!
Love you, too!
_________________
"More of Him...less of me."
http://twitter.com/camiracle77
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=691241499&ref=name |
Hon. Dr. in Acts-celeratology
Posts: 5923
5/12/19 6:50 am
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